feather-behind-the-veil

Small Enough

2011-06-23T12:32:00.002+02:00

Oh great God be small enough to hear me now.

There are times when I was crying

from the dark of Daniel's den,

and I have asked you once or twice

to part the sea again.

But tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky.

Just wanna know

you're gonna hold me if I start to cry.

Oh Great God be small enough to hear me now.

Oh Great God be close enough to feel you now.

There have been times

that I could not face Goliath on my own,

and how could I forget we've marched

around our share of Jericho's,

but I will not be setting out

a fleece for you tonight.

Just want to know

everything will be alrigh

Oh Great God be close enough to feel you now

All praise and honour

be to the God of ancient mysteries,

whose every sign and wonder

turn the pages of our history.

But tonight my heart is heavy,

and I cannot keep from whispering this prayer,

"are you there?"

And I know that you could leave

writing on the wall that's just for me

or send wisdom when I'm sleeping

like in Solomon's sweet dreams.

But I don't need the strength of Samson

or a chariot in the end.

Just want to know that you still know

how many hairs are on my head

Oh Great God be small enough to hear me now.

By Nicole Nordeman

2010-05-22T13:58:00.002+02:00

I know once again what it means to be free,

to be drowning in wave after wave of your mercy,

drunk on the joy of your salvation,

feeling the wonder of being your creation,

I am the climber that's finally reached the peak,

a composer who found the perfect pitch,

the scientist with the illusive cure,

a muddy stream suddenly made pure.

See I was the bound Pharisee,

But by HIs grace I'm free.

Some day...

2010-04-30T02:11:00.000+02:00

I really will stop dreaming,

you'll see, I'll start doing.

I'll pick myself up and

quit playing like a pup.

Begin walking the talk,

this time I won't balk.

I'll gather my dreams,

and map my whims.

I'll write that story,

tell her I said sorry.

I'll do more than watch,

I'll learn, I'll coach.

Ill wear that damn dress,

with stilettos, no less.

I'll go to a music studio,

demand to be on the video.

I'll shed my fear,

Am not kidding my dear.

I'll do it next moon,

I'll do it soon,

I promise I will,

I'll make real

...someday.

Coquettish Lover

2009-11-12T20:11:00.004+02:00

Ah, but it's a good day today.
Woke up this morning
with a song in my heart,
and praise on my lips.
But You know how fickle I am,
how fast my feelings come and go.
Today I'm so in love with You,
Tomorrow I'll forget to pray.
Today I'll praise You,
Tomorrow I'll go my own way.
Today I'm conscious of your will,
Tomorrow I couldn't care less what You say.
I feel like a coquettish lover,
batting my lashes when it suits me best,
Pouting if I don't have my way.
So I write this not knowing
how tomorrow will be,
what the winds of change will bring.
I'm just grateful for one thing,
That You love me even still.

Love Story

2009-07-13T23:03:00.003+02:00

I think ours has the making of a great love story.

There's you, there's me and there's the tragedy.

Ours is not the complexity of a family feud

nor of difference in classes.

No, ours unfortunately is much simpler;

its the battle with common sense.

Go to school get your degree, get your masters,

be paid to work anywhere else but home.

And it seems fate has kissed our destiny goodbye.

I want you to know

even if we don't ever get our happily ever after,

I would gladly go through it again;

the months away punctuated by long distance calls

that ran through our money faster than it did our passion,

the nights we whispered our fervent 'I love yous',

the already short holidays that grew wings

as if they too relished our anguish.

Days where we tried to snatch every second

the sun threw us like a lifeline

because we knew it wouldn't be long before

that fiend time would come again to tear us apart.

If common sense has its way,

I want you to know

It was worth it, loving you

Forgiving

2009-04-20T20:27:00.002+02:00

You sit there with your chisel steadily
whittling away at my patience,
looking for wounds to reopen,
scouring for untouched places to lay claim to,
unmarked skin to scar.
With such singleminded determination,
its almost admirable,
over and over again you curve at my spirit,
until I feel like my sanity is lost.
Sometimes it is indeed lost.
You give me bruises and think I cannot see
that although they are hidden,
the gashes and slashes mark you too.
So when I hurt, when the pain is intense,
I remind myself that you don't know any better
and that you're hurting too,
that when you curve at me,
you want to make another you.
Am afraid I can only be me,
the anger and bitterness would only wear me down.
Jab and stab as much you like
but I'll forgive every cut and spite.
I only have time to be who I am,
I'm letting the wounds heal cause
I refuse to be another you.

Here I am

2009-03-27T20:21:00.002+02:00

Hear I am again,

imperfect and flawed,

made crippled and lame,

by the things I adored.

I'm feeling the heat

its not been a breeze

and i have to admit

life's got me on my knees

I look left and right

turn from side to side

there's no one in sight

none to confide

and i wish i could say

i came to you first

began to pray

chosen you erst

But I gave in to pride,

thought I could get on alone.

but I wept and cried

can't do it on my own.

Hear I am again,

imperfect and flawed,

made crippled and lame,

by the things I adored

Friend

2009-03-24T01:27:00.007+02:00

We don't have much in common;

from the run down shoes you wear

to your total disregard for for beauty of Wordsworth.

From the ring on you eye brow,

to the mismatched clothes you insist on calling trendy.

But friend, I'll have you know,

I love you anyway

Teach me

2009-03-24T00:53:00.004+02:00

You want me to give me a gift...
any gift you say?
Then teach me how to laugh again,
to stretch my lips in a smile.
Life's been so sad
and in living it
I somehow forgot how to smile;
how to laugh till my ribs hurt,
how to laugh till tears flow.
I want to be merry and perky
and sunny and thrilled.
Give me one day of merry laughter,
I want to remember what it was like.
You want to give me a gift,
teach me how to laugh

A Quote

2009-03-16T14:19:00.001+02:00

The things I say and do today
In memory's book, I'll keep,
And when I'm old and read them-
Will I laugh or will I weep?

Unknown

Just so you know...

2009-03-06T14:21:00.002+02:00

If you'd asked,
I would have given it all up for you.
If you'd said something,
I would have put my bags down and stayed.
If you'd given me a sign,
I would have fought on with you.

Just so you know..
If you'd asked,
I would have given it all up for you.

Whisper in the wind

2009-03-05T19:23:00.003+02:00

Hush!
Can you hear it?
Can you hear it?
If you lean a little closer,
if you lie a little still,
you can hear it.
Its in the wind,
its in the breeze.
and think its saying my name.
When I feel alone,
I close my eyes and
shut out the world's noise.
I hear you whisper my name
and I know am not alone.

PS: am sorry i can't go on with the story, i thought i could but am afraid my thoughts run a lot faster than i can write, it get's frustrating and may be am just lazy, i don't know but i feel i can say more in a poem than i ever could in a story.

The Hospital

2009-02-23T08:39:00.004+02:00

Samalie kept her eyes on her mother, wondering what would have happened if her aunt had come a few minutes later. The drugs had knocked her out. The doctor said it wasn't bad. Could have been but it wasn't. She just needed a lot of rest. It was the diabetes and stress.The old lady had fallen asleep at the wheel. Luckily she wasn't driving fast when a few minutes later, her car made contact with the one in front of her. The insurance company would have to be contacted, the other driver was raising dust.

It was a large ward, lots of beds, so many sick people. How did so many people get to be this sick at the same time. The atmosphere was heavy with fear, sickness and death. The old lady would have to be moved.

The two sleepless nights were beginning to take a toll on Samalie. She decided to take a stroll, the smell of medicine and vomit from the other patients in the large ward wasn't helping either. Just then she passed by the bed of an old woman or man the disease, must have been AIDS, had so ravaged the body that all Samalie saw was skin thinly stretched of a skeleton. She turned her face away and hurried out, trying to ignore the sight around her.

Outside, finally. The sight of death sickened her. Funny how just the night before she had longed for the veil of death to close her eyes. She was looking for peace. No one on those hospital beds looked like they were heading for it though. It looked like torture. She leaned on the railing.

How did she get here? She couldn't remember exactly. But it must have been that night, the first time they'd met.

The Beginning

2009-02-19T16:17:00.004+02:00

There was a sharp knock on the door, it roused her from her pilgrimage to the past and her eyes began to focus again on the drugs in her hand. How many were they? 20? 30? She didn't know. How many were enough to ensure you never woke up? That knock on the door again. Irritating but I suppose if your going to die having a few visitors doesn't hurt. The pills were dropped into a drawer in the desk along with the empty can they came in.

"Just a minute,"she shouted at the door, got up from the chair and stumbled to the mirror. She looked terrible, the make up from the day before still on, in smudges. She turned on the tap and bent over into the bath tub, letting the water run over her face and her hair, grabbed a towel, rubbed briskly before looking into the mirror again. Not much improvement. The knock on the door again.

"I said am coming!",she roared, hurried to the door and pulled the door open to reveal the plump figure of her bewildered aunt. Her eyes widened at Samalie's ghastly sight, it took her a moment before the urgency of her errand took over.

"Its your mother, she's been in an accident."

All Grown Up

2009-02-17T18:37:00.003+02:00

I have loved seeing you become the man you are now. I'm amazed at the things you do, the decisions you make, and boast about your wisdom. Its been a pleasure to watch you succeed and see failures push you to make something better of yourself. I've watched as you put medal upon medal on your wall, everything from best golfer to employee of the year and I am proud of you, son. But watching your heart get crushed makes me long for the time that you were young so I could make the pain go away with just a word.

I wish I could make you stay and never grow up but I've watched year after year as the puppy fat fades away and the youthful fantasies dwindle to be replaced with an edge of bitterness only life can give and I hate that life has robbed you of your dreams. I wish to still time, to beg it to not take you away from me.

I long for the days when the promise of ice cream was all it took to bring back your smile, when being rich consisted of having shs500 in your pocket, when another episode of scooby doo was all it took to make you forget the scolding you got earlier.

I long for the days, you could run around in your underwear and not have anything to be afraid of, when comic books and spider man costumes was what our hearts longed for and becoming a superhero was your life's ambition. In a way you are a hero, but you found , like most of us have, that sometimes you can't save yourself.

Now I must admit that you are a man and though I wish to hold you and kiss the pain away, hide you from the world a little a longer, I know I cannot ease your broken heart and I must let you make your own choices.

Selfish mother that I am, I must learn to let you go, to let you discover the thorns among the roses. I must let you love and be loved and if you get hurt again, to let you find your way like you always have. I must trust that you will be fine, that I raised you right. So I will let you grow up and I will be a mother to a man and not to a little boy.

2009-02-06T10:25:00.003+02:00

Yesterday...

I watched as you slowly stripped me of any animation
Petal by Petal fell off this rose till I stood empty and alone.

Today...

I watch as you slowly coax my emptiness back to life with a smile
and the flickering embers of my dying heart to a burning flame.

Nursery Rhyme

2008-11-24T22:09:00.003+02:00

Remember this rhyme

Home again, home again,
when shall I see my home again,
when shall I see my little brother,
I'll never forget my home.

Soul's Distress

2008-11-10T18:21:00.003+02:00

My heart bows in anguish at the choice I must make.
Any semblance of joy withers at its thought.
The growing apprehension bears down like a cloud,
the gravity of it wearing my soul down to a shadow.
For in making the wiser decision, I break my heart,
but more agonizing is that I must break yours.

Reflection

2008-11-09T12:07:00.003+02:00

The other day I looked at my reflection,
and I saw you.
I wonder when I began to change,
I wonder if you were always there,
I wonder if when I was trying so hard not to be you,
that that was when i was most like you.
Trying to be different, to stand out.
And a part of me is happy,
apart of me is sad.
Happy that I have your smile and your heart,
sad that I share your art of disguise.
That we both hide the things we should reveal.
I looked at my reflection the other day
and I saw you.

Favourite things

2008-10-23T11:57:00.004+02:00

of all the things am grateful for;

ancient rhymes and midnight calls,

starry nights and ice cream cones,

pleasant dreams and water falls

setting suns and peaceful ponds...

-my seasoned heart's inevitably found

you're the one i most adore

Birthday wish list

2008-10-21T21:47:00.003+02:00

1 .............................................
2 .............................................
3 .............................................
4 ..............................................
5 God I could do with a hug from You.

Favourite Quotes

2008-10-04T09:30:00.004+02:00

-Worry is the interest we pay on tomorrow's troubles.
Unknown

-If you find yourself loving any pleasure better than your prayers, any book better than the Bible, any house better than the house of God, any table better than the Lord's table, any person better than Christ, any indulgence better than the hope of heaven- take alarm!
Thomas Guthrie

-The storms of life no more indicate the absence of God than clouds indicate the absence of the sun.
John Blanchard

-A victorious Christian life is not a superior brand of Christianity reserved for the elite of the elect. It is the normal Christian life for every Christian.
Ronald Dunn

-Real love stories never have endings.
Richard Bach

-One Christian who has been tempted is worth a thousand who haven't.
Martin Luther

-Formula for handling people:
1. Listen to the other person's story.
2. Listen to the other person's full story.
3. List to the other person's story first.
George Marshall

-Everything that irritates us about others, can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
Carl Jung

-Nothing so tends to mask the face of God as religion; it can be a substitute for God himself.
Martin Buber

-A man came to a guru and challenged him, 'I will give you an orange if you can show me where God is.' The guru answered, 'I will give you two oranges if you can show me where God is not.'
Author Unknown

-I venture to say that the greatest earthly blessing that God can give to any of us is health, with the exception of sickness. Sickness has frequently been of more use to the saints of God than health has.
C. H. Spurgeon

-To do just the opposite is also a form of imitation.
Georg Lichtenberg

-There are many wonderfulthings that will never be doneif you do not do them.
Charles D. Gill

-I believe Satan to exist for two reasons: first, the Bible says so; and second, I’ve done business with him.
D. L. Moody

-Our pride is disgusted at our faults and we mistake this disgust for true repentance.
Francois Fenelon

-Two young men were discussing the account of the resurrection of Jesus. They agreed that such a thing was impossible. Seeing an old Christian gentleman approaching, one of them asked him, "Tell us, why are you so sure that Jesus rose from the dead?" The old gentleman said, "Well, for one thing, I was talking with Him this morning."

-A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs, jolted by every pebble in the road.
Henry Ward Beecher

-The saint is hilarious when he is crushed with difficulties because the thing is so ludicrously impossible to anyone but God.
Oswald Chambers

-My life helps to paint my neighbor’s picture of God.

-A 19th-century preacher was once asked to explain the doctrine of election. He said: "Well, brethren, it is this way: The Lord is always voting for a man, and the devil is always voting against him; then the man himself votes, and that breaks the tie.
Arthur Tonne

-We cannot get away from God; though we can ignore Him.
James Cabot

I'm learning

2008-09-19T14:32:00.003+02:00

that good times come and go, God doesn't
that a good book beats chocolate on any day
that i can still be helplessly in love with you so many miles away
that we can still fight over the phone (and make up too)
that its okay to cry
that i miss my sister(please please write on your blog again)
that you can't know joy if you've never felt pain
that there's nothing like a hug to make a day better
that as long as there's a dawn there's always hope
that...

Sunset

2008-08-17T16:30:00.002+02:00

The sun is setting,

we know our time is spent.

Darkness is coming,

and we must now part.

Never thought it would end this way.

Never thought it would end at all.

We were the kind couple

fairy tales are made of.

You, my knight in shining armour,

me, your Princess.

Cruel that we'll never

have our happily ever after.

But time has a way of

stealing things from us.

No i don't blame you,

like they say everything

with a beginning has an end.

The sun must rise

and so it must set.

We had dreams of

growing old together,

and in a way we have.

What we've been through

taught us things

only age would know.

You tell me over and

over again you're sorry,

You'd do anything to take it back.

It was a one night stand,

months before we met.

Now you lay dying in my arms.

fate's ripped you away from me.

No I still don't blame you.

Hush love, its almost dusk.

if we must talk,

lets' speak of what we had.

am not sorry am dying too.

It was worth it,

loving you.

Let me heal you

2008-08-12T17:28:00.004+02:00

Your mask might fool the world
but it can't fool me.
I know you cry at night.
I know because I weep with you.
You tell the doctors
the pain is physical.
How i wish it were,
it would be much easier to deal with.
But its not the pain outside
that makes you weep,
its the one in your heart.
The labels of failure etched across you soul,
the wounds of betrayal you still allow to bleed,
the memory of injustice engraved on your mind,
broken dreams you desperately clutch.
And the anger,
-I feel that too.
you think I threw you out,
like everyone else did.

I've always been here,

waiting for you to reach out to me.
But come, let me draw near,

there was never a heart,
I couldn't heal.
Give me your pain,
and take my joy.
Give me you anger

and take my peace.
Give me your wounds
body, spirit and soul,
Beloved, let me make them whole.

To Forgive

2008-07-19T10:29:00.004+02:00

To forgive is to put down your fifty pound pack

after a ten mile climb up a mountain.

To forgive is to fall into a chair

after a fifteen mile marathon.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free

and discover that the prisoner was you.

To forgive is to reach back into your hurting past

and recreate it in your memory so that you can begin again.

To forgive is to dance to the beat of God's forgiving heart.

It is to ride the crest of Love's strongest wave.

Lewis b. Smedes

Yours again

2008-06-23T21:46:00.005+02:00

Every time I'm sad,
my heart reaches out to find you.
When i feel alone,
my being hugs the memory of you.
When my smile is wide,
when all is just right,
I find my soul seeks you still,
and I know this is real.
All I have to do is
search the corners of my heart
and there where my joys hide,
where my most intimate memoirs lie,
there I find you.
And for a while,
miles fade away,
and time stands still
because then my love,
we are together again.
if only for a moment,
we're together again.

Ps:Missing you still.

Mr. Pain

2008-06-19T16:15:00.003+02:00

Pain came visiting today,
me and him had a chat,
I told him to go away
but he wouldn't let us part.
It seems he's here to stay
and cause unbearable hurt.

He found it amusing
that i had murderous thought,
I'd tried to poison him
with the drugs that I'd bought,
He gave me a wolfish grin
and took off his coat.

You find it funny, i see
that i write about pain,
invite him for tea
see if you stay sane.
if you haven been me
don't hold me in disdain.

Ten years down the road,
I'm now Mrs Pain.
Don't call me poor sod,
he's on the move again.
So unless you're God,
wait for the rain.

NB: Just grumbling thanks to a tooth ache.

God did it for me

2008-06-02T09:59:00.004+02:00

My heart was beating so loud,
it almost drowned my thoughts.
- I was walking towards your door.
a firm resolve put each foot ahead of the other,
told fear to step aside.
What was I going to say, I don't know.
That God told me to come and see you?
How silly would that sound.
Never mind that we never talked much,
that we are barely friends
But this once, I decided to listen to God.
Was going to obey whether I understood or not.
So I climbed up the stairs to your room.
You were at the door.
You said something and I said another.
It wasn't much but it was enough.
I didn't spend two minutes at your door.
You hugged me and I left.
I thought I had gone to your room
to encourage you.
But feeling the warmth
that crept from your hug,
I can't help but think;
God did it for me.

The Greatness of God

2008-06-01T13:12:00.004+02:00

I see it in a ray of sunlight,
a flower of exquisite hue
An eagle in flight,
The creation of You.

I hear it in a weaver bird's song,
a roar of thunder,
a musician's tongs,
a child's laughter.

I feel it in a summer breeze,
softness of a feather,
relief when I sneeze,
the hug of a mother.

Therein I find my heavenly Father.

Beautiful Lies

2008-05-23T15:21:00.005+02:00

You did it again,

Trampled all over me, like I'm some door mat.

Smiled sweetly, as you gutted my insides.

You played me like a puppeteer,

like a guitarist, you knew what strings to pull

so I was moving to your tune.

Didn't know what you were doing till you left

and I found you'd taken everything-

Given me nothing.

Never mind that you'd done it before.

I threw caution to the wind

and listened to your beautiful lies-again.

But even for that I could forgive myself.

I just cant forgive myself

for loving you still.

My World

2008-04-25T19:58:00.002+02:00

I type the next line and anxiously wait for yours.
Its been three months and seventeen days
since we had to part and I think I love you more than before.
(Is that possible or do I just miss you so?).
Live for the messages you send,
and the times you call.
Sleep with a smile. You always say goodnight.
Wake up happy,you just said good morning.
When did the message tone sound so beautiful?
And idly I wonder, when did you become my world?

Painting memories

2007-11-26T07:31:00.000+02:00

We're counting down days

to when we'll have to part.

Sometimes we can't help but think

God played a cruel trick on us.

Why did we have to fall in love

when we'd have to part?

During the day I pretend to be strong

but at night my pillow tells different tales

of the pain laden tears that soak it.

How will I make it without you?

We laugh and talk,
steal moments of time together,
yet the nagging thought of our
separation still lingers like a shadow.

I want to make you promise

that you'll wait for me,

but am so scared.

Would it be fair for me to?

I know you say you will,
but this isn't just any story,
this is our story, yours and mine.
l and I have so many questions.

Will distance fade out the magic?
If you can no longer see me,
will someone else

take your breath away?

If you can't see me anymore,

would you love me the same?

I'm just so scared.
Should we say goodbye now
or dare to hope.

Hopeless romantics

that we are,we do hope.

Clinging on to the

fantasy of forever.

So while we can,

we paint memories

and we pray.

We pray and ask God

to have His way.

P.S: That's where Feather's been. Using her ink to paint memories

Simple truth

2007-10-19T12:46:00.000+02:00

The all too busy appearance,
the easy frowns, the late nights,
forgotten birthdays, the long trips away.
Oh the others can complain, alright,
that you never have time for them,
that perhaps you don't really love them.
But I know the truth
If there ever was a father who
loved his children it would be you.
If anyone wanted the best for them,
it would still be you.
The simple truth is that,
daddy, inside, you hurt.
Even when you try to pretend its not there,
or try to get too busy or run far.
You can't run fast or far enough,
cause daddy the pain isn't here,
Daddy the pain is inside you.

People in love

2007-10-04T14:13:00.000+02:00

I watch you hold the pain that you won't share.
and try to pretend its not there.
Yet inside, I know you're bleeding
and that pride keeps you from weeping.
So I too pretend that I dont notice your pain
because I know you'd push me away.
The thing is, I'm not as strong as you
and I find myself crying for you.
So you hold me and wonder why I cry,
wonder what trouble passed by.
Love, I cry for me, and I cry also for you
Because people in love, that's what they do.

The reason why

2007-09-20T15:49:00.000+02:00

Been so happy lately,
and I unsuccessfully have tried
to convince myself,
that you're not the reason why.

SOLD OUT

2007-09-18T14:56:00.000+02:00

for Jesus.

P.S: I'VE JUST BEEN SO INCREDIBLY LOVED BY GOD. HE'S BEEN SO GOOD TO ME. I COULD SAY MUCH BUT WHAT'S ABOVE SAYS IT ALL.

Behind the glass

2007-09-03T15:27:00.000+02:00

Been standing at this window,
watching you gaze at me.
You place your palm on the glass
and I put mine against it.
We talk and talk till
common sense tells us we must leave;
that you must work and I must study.
But always we come back to our glass,
to share our smiles,
share our stories, until the one day you ask
why I stand always on this side.
And I reply, a little sadly, that its safer here;
behind the glass.

Letters

2007-08-23T12:02:00.000+02:00

Bits of paper,

marks of ink,

put together,

somehow link,

parts of you,

to parts of me,

our hearts too

eternally.

Who are you sailing with?

2007-08-14T08:55:00.000+02:00

Life's like an ocean,

sometimes its as calm as can be,

other times its a stormy sea.

But its not the weather,

you're sailing in that counts.

Its who you're sailing with!

The box in the loft

2007-08-07T14:03:00.000+02:00

I pulled the suitcase down
from its hiding place high up
in my bedroom loft.
I brushed off the dust and opened it.
Years ago, I'd opened this suitcase
and got my heart out.
I'd decided to love despite the risk.
Chosen to take the plunge.
I wasn't going to shrink
at the sight of love.
I was going to give my heart away
and if it got broken,
I'd hold it but only till I found
someone else to give it to.
But when I met you,
you changed my way of thinking.
I didn't know a person could
hurt as much as this.
Didn't know I could
feel this much pain.
You made me afraid.
Afraid of loving anyone as
much as I love you because
then they'd have so much
power over me.
Much like you do.
So I got the suitcase out
and I'm placing my heart
back in there.
I'm putting my love for you in a box
and I'm going to lock it up forever.
Sure I'll still be your friend but
I'll never let myself love you
this much again.
Call me a coward if you will,
I'll never let myself love
another this much again.

She died

2007-08-02T08:25:00.000+02:00

You came back about
a month ago, two years
after you left the country.
It was only six months
after the wedding and
still you wonder what
happened to your merry bride?
I see you looking at me curiously
from the corner of your eye
as you cuddle the child
you've only just seen.
You haven't said a thing,
but I know you're thinking it.
What happened
to the girl you left behind?
The one who adored you,
who worshipped the
very ground you trod.
The girl who would have
given heaven and earth
just to make you happy.
Husband mine; she died.
In her place is a woman.
Birthed by a lonely heart,
in a cold bed, amidst the
night shadows of a bleak room.

Too old to laugh

2007-07-31T15:00:00.000+02:00

I watch you get ready for work,
the perfect makeup, the right clothes,
not a hair out of place.
Still you talk,
and I, as usual listen-
with only one ear.
"Stop taking life so casually,
there's a time to grow up,"
you say.
Should start thinking of what
I want to do with my life.
Start working for that promotion,
saving for a car,
begin to look out for a wedding ring.
And when you see my placid expression,
you exasperatedly say, that I've lost much,
before you walk out the door.
And perhaps you're right,
I do need to grow up,
I might have even lost much.
I can't help but think though,
that you've lost more.
The things we used to love,
don't mean much to you anymore.
You'd rather go to a cafe,
than just enjoy a picnic
on a Sunday afternoon,
you'd rather go to the cinema
than stay in one saturday
and revel in the antics of a
Tom and Jerry cartoon,
its important for you to
look sophisticated, smart and sassy
than get dirty with the rest of us
as we wrestle across the sand
on a beach for a volleyball.
You grew up too fast my dear,
and you grew too old to laugh.

Because I share it with You.

2007-07-25T10:34:00.000+02:00

This night's colder than any other,
not starry bright either.
But inside I bubble with laughter,
and smile in delight.
This night is more beautiful
than any other
because I share it with you.

Once upon a star.(An Angel's journal)

2007-07-20T15:20:00.000+02:00

This story is really a draft but I hope you like it anyway.

It was one of those days, when there is a certain calm, the mind is at peace and you long just to dream. Some of the angels decided to play a game of football so I used this chance to slip away and take a walk. Heaven is always beautiful but on a day like this, its allure grows in leaps and bounds. It was a day when the butterflies all came out to play and they looked like petals floating in the breeze.

Even Suku, one of the youngest chimps wasn't up to his usual antics. He seemed to prefer his mother's back to terrorising the birds. I simply don't know how he does it. He loves to climb up a tree and scare the living daylights out of any bird. How on earth he manages to sneak up on a bird is absolutely beyond me but he does make us laugh.

Merry thoughts were going through my mind as i made my way to the fruit trees. I heard a sound and stopped. I could hear muffled sobbing as if the little creature didn't want anyone to hear but the woeful sound tore at my heart. I looked avidly for the sound until I caught sight of the lone creature. Why, it was a star.

I began to make my way to it when I felt a presence. It brought along with it, an aura, of peace and I knew it was my Lord. The star stopped weeping and quickly dried its tears. The master sat beside it. He spoke. I don't believe you've heard the master speak before but oh how wonderful that voice is. Its not that its sounds like anyone who should be getting a Grammy every year, it just makes you happy. You feel loved. I stood a far, a little guilty for eavesdropping but I longed to hear.

"What's wrong little one? Why are you so low?"

"Me, I'm so happy..." One look at the Master's face and he stopped lying.

"Lord, you already know, why should I tell you?"

"Because I love to listen to you."

"You do?" the little creature asked incredulously.

"Of course I do. Even the little snores you make when you're asleep. The sounds you make when you're pretending to be a train and cry 'choo choo' which drives the other stars crazy."
At that the little one chuckled, "It does drive them crazy." He grew quiet, then asked.

"Do you really love to listen to me? Do you really love me? Does it bother you that I can't shine as bright as the other stars do? We're so many. Billions of stars in just one of billions of galaxies. Do you even know I exist? I'm so little and my light is so dim." This outburst seemed to have drained all the energy in the little chapped and he breathed heavily as he kept his tear stained face on Jesus.

"Oh, come here," and He drew the little chap onto His lap.

"I knew you before you were made. I watched as you were formed. And I know there are so many creatures created, but I love you like there is no one else. Sure, you're not the brightest star, but you don't have to be, you're wonderful just the way you are. Remember the night you got measles and you had to miss your cousin's birthday party?"

"Yes," he nodded as his memory was jogged.

"and you prayed to God because you didn't want to be alone?"

"Yes, then a puppy just came out of nowhere and..." recognition dawned and he smiled, "you sent the puppy."

"Actually, it was an angel, who wasn't willing to be a puppy even on assignment, but he had so much fun he came back the next day."

I began to smile smugly. We'd had so much fun that night, I remember. We played catch and he loved it when I tickled him with my nose even if it was a doggy nose.

"In fact, that little angel isn't far off."

My heart began to race. This wasn't the way things were supposed to turn out.

"You can come out of hiding now."

I came out, not without some embarrassment.

"Rufus!" An excited star called out and ran to me. That was his puppy's name. I lifted him up high.
Jesus stood up and asked, "Do you doubt I love you now?"

The little guy shook his head and just as Jesus turned, the little star called out, "I love you too, Jesus."

8 Random Facts

2007-07-18T09:31:00.000+02:00

Was tagged by Prettylyf. Had done something similar earlier but I'll try to make this different.

The Rules are:-
We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Unless I'm dining with someone, I can't eat without having something to read. Even if its the ingredients on a cereal box. I just have to read something.

I sometimes count words in sentences, especially if I like the way it sounds. Don't ask me why, I don't know either.

Don't like shopping, much to my mom's chagrin.

Don't like talking much either. Sometimes I just need to share silence with someone.

I love to let go sometimes. Let the little child in me get out. Unfortunately, its only a certain kind of people who can set it free. So I love them for that.

I love it when someone hugs me just because. (not those stereotype hugs you get every time you meet someone)

Love it when I find a really nice book.(You know how hard it is to come across one)

I love the laughter of a child. It doesn't have the restraints of worry or care. Its a beautiful sound.

Okay, done my lot so I'm tagging: Lulu, 27th Comrade, Sparkle, jaybabe, pea, mafudian, be silent, rae.

Have Your way

2007-07-16T11:43:00.000+02:00

Oh heart of mine,
here we are again,
and I can't for the
life of me,
guess how we
found ourselves here.
All, I know is this soul
of mine is grieving,
and crouched inside,
dear heart, you lie weeping.
And I,
am just so tired.
trying to hold
on to my sanity,
Fighting for some peace.
Then He tells me
to just rest,
to simply let go.
Even as I desire
that tranquility
I quiver with fear.
If I stop fighting,
does it show weakness?
Gently you remind me that
its in my weakness
that You are strong,
that its okay to cry,
that faith inYou
is not about
pretending that
everything is fine.
And so I do.
I just let go,
give You everything.
Have Your way.

You were right

2007-07-10T09:18:00.000+02:00

That was always my excuse.
I'd rather crawl under a duvet
and have a date with a novel.
Oh they're beautiful.
They take you away,
to far away places.
But yesterday,
I found you were right.
Books, wonderful creations
though they are,
-cannot love.

The Seasons Of My Soul by: Helen Steiner Rice

2007-07-06T09:02:00.000+02:00

Why am I cast down
And despondently sad
When I long to be happy
And joyous and glad?

Why is my heart heavy
With unfathomable weight
As I try to escape
This soul-saddened state?

I ask myself often ...
"What makes life this way,
Why is the song silenced
In the heart that was gay?"

And then, with God's help
It all becomes clear,
The "Soul" has its "Seasons"
Just the same as the year.

I, too, must pass through
Life's autumn of dying,
A desolate period
Of heart-hurt and crying.

Followed by winter
In whose frostbitten hand
My heart is as frozen
As the snow-covered land.

Yes, man too must pass
Through the seasons God sends,
Content in the knowledge
That everything ends.

And, Oh! What a blessing
To know there are reasons
And to find that our soul
Must, too, have it's seasons.

"Bounteous Seasons"
And "Barren Ones," too.
Times for rejoicing
And times to be blue.

But meeting these seasons
Of dark desolation
With strength that
is born Of anticipation

That comes from knowing
That "autumn-time sadness"
Will surely be followed by a
"Springtime of Gladness."

Not Afraid

2007-07-04T08:26:00.000+02:00

There was a time,
when I worried about
what people thought of me.
Would I be too weird,
if I spoke so much about You?
Would they stare,
if I raised my hands to Worship You?
If I closed my eyes
to say a prayer before I ate in a diner,
would I draw so much attention?
Would I be isolated if I told people
that my idea of a high
was being drunk in the Spirit.
But, I'm not afraid
to love YOU any more.
Lived this life and found,
there's no rest outside You.
If estrangement is the cost
of loving you,
It will only isolate me from,
anything that would keep me
away from you.
You're worth so much more,
than anything than I could give
yet You still love me,
so today I decide,
that I'll never again,
be afraid to love You.

Cocktail

2007-07-02T08:34:00.000+02:00

A thousand times,
I ask myself why I love you,
a thousand times,
I respond, "I don't know".
A thousand times,
I've told my heart, "let go",
a thousand times,
My heart's said "no".
And though a thousand times,
you make me cry,
One moment with you,
makes me smile.
And I suppose life's a cocktail;
a cocktail of laughter and tears
Perhaps its fate that
I have you in my wineglass.

Amigo

2007-06-27T09:16:00.001+02:00

Up until now, I thought our friendship was a guise of something deeper. Something I couldn't quite touch or see. It was something I could only feel. The fear of losing you, kept me from saying a thing. What if I was wrong? or perhaps worse still, if I was right. So I went on with this charade. The one where I was your closest confidante, your unquestionable ally and while I acted, I tried to pretend I don't miss you if I'm not with you, that I don't anxiously wait for the phone to ring or hope to catch a glimpse of you somewhere. But I got tired of pretending that I don't want to send you message because I only saw you a while ago. What does it matter, if I choose to enjoy your company? The truth is, I was afraid of falling in love with you, afraid that I was already in too deep: but now, I realise that I treasure what we have too much to ruin it by bringing cupid into the picture. I guess its easy to get romantic notions when two people are as close as you and I. But I've chosen to love you the best way I can. Perhaps not as a soul mate or your beloved, I've chosen to be the best friend I can be. Only then will I not have to pretend that I don't already miss you even when we met a few hours ago, because this time, it will be different. I really will be your amigo and not some besotted girl trying to pass off as your friend. There is that girl God's got for you and there's that guy God's got for me. As I wait for him, I pray that you too, wait for her.

Prayer

2007-06-22T07:54:00.000+02:00

When I pray,
The world falls at my feet,
The enemy cries in defeat,

When I pray,
Whole nations are moved to their knees,
Mindless war begins to cease.

When I pray,
I know the world’s alright,
And its no longer night.

When I pray,
I have a new hope,
Confusion begins to stop.

When I pray,
I find my heart’s rest,
And I remain forever blessed.

Addition by lulu(I love it)

When I pray,
solace comes to me
on angel's wings

When I pray,
the hand of comfort
wipes the lone tears.

When I pray,
the false tide of life
is silenced by the voice of truth

When I pray
all is calm
all is well.

Trust

2007-06-20T15:18:00.000+02:00

Yesterday's past,
tomorrow's yet to be,
today, I choose to trust,
that He'll take care of me!

Gray Skies

2007-06-15T11:23:00.001+02:00

When my sky turns gray,
as it sometimes will,
remind me again,
that You're with me still.

Let me not waste single day,
worried, sad or even grim,
remind me again,
that You're with me still.

Prison

2007-06-08T06:08:00.000+02:00

When the nature of the complexity,
Bars the world from you,
The bars only create a sphere,
Where there’s just Jesus and You.

If I could ask for one thing

2007-06-04T07:17:00.000+02:00

Lord if you appeared to me one night,
and told me to ask for whatever I'd like,

I'd ask for Your eyes.

Solomon asked for wisdom,
and some would ask for freedom,

But all I want is Your eyes.

I want to see past the smiles they're faking,
and into the heart that's breaking.

With your eyes,

Let me see beyond the quarrelsome shrew,
into the heart that's in need of you.

Give me Your eyes,

That I might see beneath their bossy exterior,
To the timid soul who feels inferior,

With these eyes,

I'd like to see beyond the masks they wear,
and perceive the burdens they bear.

If I had Your eyes,

I'd see past the beggar's guise,
and into the heart that cries.

Because of Your eyes,

I wouldn't judge them,
-I'd simply love them.

An Angel's journal

2007-05-31T08:09:00.000+02:00

It was a busy day in Heaven today and though almost everyday, there are several missions God sends us to, today was extremely busy, and all over heaven we could hear the cry of saints all over the earth begging, crying and asking for one thing or another and although most of the people did not deserve any help at all, King Jesus, lost time in sending us their way to offer help or comfort where necessary whenever they asked.

The Lord had sent me to help a young lady in the delivery room for the first time, it wasn't easy trying to speak comfort and peace to her heart when she was filled with fear. She had given her life to Jesus ten years ago when she was nine and here she lay in a hospital bed, alone and afraid, trying to have her baby alone because the young "Christian" boy who had promised to marry her had decided she wasn't important anymore.

Broken she'd come before the Lord, feeling worthless. I wish she could see the love with which my Lord looks at her. He'd promised her she'd never be alone and there we were in the hospital room. One of the other angels began to sing, softly, that seemed to calm her fear, and when the baby was born, the song remained in her heart. The child was a girl and she was named melody. I couldn't help being pleased with myself. It was a job well done.

It was hardly over when I was on the move again, saving an old man from an accident as he crossed the road then Jesus sent me to hug a little boy who was lonely and often cried himself to sleep. I held him as he cried and stayed by him all night then left him to his guardian angel. That was how the day was spent; rushing from one mission to the next.

I was China with a very sick old lady, staying with her and waiting to meet her when she crossed over to meet our Lord, when suddenly, a pleasant sound, a wonderful harmony seemed to rise up from somewhere on earth, and for a minute everyone stopped what they were doing, I watched as angel after angel arose from their tasks, some grateful for a little distraction because they'd just been helping people who continued to look at he negative side of things no matter what God tried to do for them. We all arose to see where the wonderful, sound came from.

And there amidst all the tumult and noise, this young lad was raising his voice in praise and adoration. Don't get me wrong, lots of people praise, but when even one person does so in Spirit and in truth, the heartfelt worship, rises in heaven, I could feel joy rising up in me, everyone around me whooped and yelled, I joined the excitement, its not all the time that you get to hear such earnest worship. It's not that people don't worship. Many do, it's just that often times, it's a routine to them and some do so because they want to ask God for something. The sound that was filling up the Heavens was soooo beautiful. When you've had a day like mine, spent rescuing people, listening to people's complaints. There is something so wonderful, so refreshing, so divine, so marvellous about hearing just one soul declare his unfaltering, unwavering love for the Lord.

As everyone danced and made noise, I looked at Jesus, and they were tears running down His face, I walked towards Him and when I reached His side, He pointed to a paper that lay beside the man, He'd been diagnosed with cancer and given no more than three months to live. Then I understood why tears ran down his face, while so many of the saints below would most certainly have complained, he'd chosen to bless the Lord.

To love again

2007-05-29T09:50:00.000+02:00

I've come to realise,
that the tears that fall from these eyes,
in this short span of life.
because of sadness,
sorrow and strife,
are well worth the pain,
If I could love again,
for tears cleanse the soul.
They give vent to things that need to go
and they make the body whole.
These are the little things i know
for love is well worth the pain,
and hate such an unnecessary strain,
for we were made to love,
so says the Lord above,
If it meant to love we must cry,
a happy soul I'd still die,
because for love, Christ gave,
In love, I was saved.

Angry

2007-05-28T10:34:00.000+02:00

Angry at myself,

angry at you,

angry that despite the odds,

I still love you.

My Seven

2007-05-24T08:02:00.000+02:00

This one's been long in coming. Sorry Betty. You tagged me earlier but the poetry always seemed to burst forth then. I don't know what you'd like to know.

I love cartoons. Still hate it when I miss Sesame street on t.v. (I know it sounds childish but every one has a little kid inside, mine just comes out this way).
I love words but i guess you know that already.
I love milk. Something about it just relaxes me. (You can add that to childish trait no.2 but that's okay).
I can hardly wait to get to heaven. There are lots of questions I'd like to ask God and then there are the several people I'd like to meet. Like Jesus(still don't know why He'd love someone like me),Paul, David, Thomas, Noah. Then I'd like to ask Jonah what it was like to be in the belly of a fish for three days and did he actually think he could run away from God? (Interesting question, considering that I've tried several times).
I started sunday school in my backyard when we wouldn't go to church. I'd gather the neighbourhood kids and preach. I was six then. That kid disappeared for a while, she's only just coming back. Told you can 't run away from God for long.When you try to, you get swallowed by a fish. Ask Jonah.
I find it extremely repulsive when people spit in public. It's bad enough when a guy does it, but when it's a lady, it's absolutely atrocious.
I hate pornography and what it does to people especially my age. I want to help the youth my age overcome it. Want to get people to open up and stop struggling with it. Get help and move on. They don't have to be bound by it. So anyone need help, don't let shame or silence keep you in chains. "Shame can be defined as trying to hide what God's trying to uncover and heal"Archbishop Henry Orombi. Willing to help anyone who wants to let it go.

I guess that's it about me. I know am late but am going to tag prettylyf and scotchbiscuits anyway.

Emotions

2007-05-23T11:34:00.001+02:00

Wrap their arms around you,
Some tender and sweet,
As you think on a loved one,
Some cruel and painful,
Those times when despair won,
Some of giddy excitement,
When you just have lots of fun,
Some of just peace and serenity,
When you blissfully watch the sun,
Then they’re those times…
When their intensity can’t be put to words.

I want mine to last forever

2007-05-21T09:18:00.000+02:00

I can't help but wonder,
How two people meant to be together,
How two lives destined to be One,
How love so profound,
Could somehow dwindle to bitterness.
Was there never a time,
When the world was beautiful,
Because of this one person,
Was there never a time,
When the thought of that name,
brought an endless series of litanies,
within your heart.
Was there never a time,
when your water was wine,
Just because you shared it
with that person.
Whatever happened to the stolen kisses,
secret rendezvous, the love filled notes,
the endless chatter...
Call me a helpless romantic,
Call me a fool...
But I want mine to last forever!

JUST SO YOU COULD SMILE

2007-05-17T11:20:00.000+02:00

The sun shone today,

did you notice?

The birds sung away,

Did you notice?

I did it so you could smile.

You woke up late,

I noticed,

But the lessons were great,

Did you notice?

I did it so you could smile.

Your day was dreary,

I noticed,

But tonight the sky's starry,

Did you notice?

I did it so you could smile.

Someone hurt you,

I noticed,

But i sent a friend right on cue.

Did you notice?

I did it so you could smile.

Familiar Strangers

2007-05-15T15:00:00.000+02:00

Worlds apart,
You and I,
so close.
Yet so far,
so clear,
Yet so blurred,
right here,
and yet there,
so dear,
yet so cold,
You say nothng's changed,
It's all the same,
Why then, am i so lonely,
when I'm with you?!

The Real me

2007-05-11T11:51:00.000+02:00

I was just looking for words to express how I felt today. This song by Natalie Grant says it all. It blesses me cause its a mirror of what I feel many times; like someone, hiding behind a veil.

Foolish heart looks like we're here again
Same old game of plastic smile
Don't let anybody in
Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break
How much will they take before I'm empty
Do I let it show, does anybody know?

But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me

Painted on, life is behind a mask
Self-inflicted circus clown
I'm tired of the song and dance
Living a Charade, always on parade
What a mess I've made of my existence
But you love me even now
And still I see somehow

But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me

Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry
I just wanna be me

But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me
And you love me just as I am
Wonderful, Beautiful is what you see
When you look at me

Ssssshhh, be quiet, God's at work

2007-05-10T06:30:00.000+02:00

I spent the whole of yesterday crying. Not the usual, silent tears that come coursing down, I boo-hooed quite a bit. I had a fight with my dad yesterday and you know what God told me to do? He told me to go tell him sorry. I rebelled and got mad at Him as well. Why is it that when my dad makes me cry, I have to be the one to say sorry, why is it that when he gets me depressed, I still have to be obedient and humble. Needless, to say, I got into a fight with God as well. It just didn't seem fair. In those moments when I was crying and felt like my heart would break, I could still feel God was there. It was a change. Many times, I don't feel like He's there even when I know He is. I didn't feel so alone then although I spent the whole time railing at Him. But am glad He was there. There are not too many people would seat and listen as I spent hour upon hour complaining, grumbling and (who am I kidding) just shouting. But God was there. I remember what I read in a comic strip, 'church mouse', that God understands broken hearts cause we break His heart everyday. I'm feeling better. Although, I'm still bitter, but God will take care of that. Still feel lost and a little empty but I've learnt to treasure some of these moments because God's at work. God sometimes needs to disorganise our worlds so He can catch our attention. It's a whole twenty four hours later but I can still feel the tears at the surface. God, what would I do without You. Thank You, for loving me.

Thank You

2007-05-07T08:48:00.000+02:00

The cut off points came out today. It seems like I haven't made it for law on government sponsorship not that I expected it but there's something about keeping hope alive that keeps you going on. My first reaction was remorse. I wanted to cry, felt like I'd failed and then I remember who You are and I know You've never yet failed me.

How many times, have I felt like my situation was the end of the world and found that You were only working things out in the background for my good. You see Your word says in Romans 8:28 that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

So I know that You're going to use this for my good because Jeremiah 29:11 says that You alone know the plans You have for me, plans to bring me prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future I hope for. Your plans are to prosper me I believe and so however unclear my future looks like, I know that You have it in Your hands.

Numbers 23:19 says that You're not a man to lie, a human who changes His mind, whatever You promise You do, You speak and it is done. Right now I choose to thank You because I know You've already prepared my future for me. That some how You've given me a course and a University. That somehow You've already provided all my tuition fees. I thank You. I thank You. I thank You, praise and glorify You, Honour You, love You, exalt You. You alone are worthy.

Jesus Must be a tailor!

2007-04-16T09:21:00.000+02:00

Life so often batters us, so many times we feel like life took one whole mouthful of us, chewed us up and then spat us out, the missed opportunities, lost dreams, the heart breaks, disappointments, betrayals all serve to rip us apart, beat us down.

I felt like that this morning, like my foot was stuck on the rails and i could distinctly hear the sounds of a train in a distance, heading my way. because we have to go on so many of us try to mend our wounds by ourselves. We seat up all night and stitch up the wounds with hatred, anger, unforgiveness, pity, alcohol and drugs.

If we took a peek at our own hearts, we'd feel what Jesus feels when he sees the ugly make shift patterns we have. Tacks so loose, that when even a shred of disappointment comes our way, the threads easily come a part, opening wounds of so long a go.

But when i let Jesus mend my heart, he does it so neatly. He knits, weaves and embroiders beautiful patterns. You see, Jesus can't take the scars away because, sometimes I've made mistakes and there are consequences for them but he does embroider quilts so beautiful, that I'm no longer afraid to look at the past mistakes and disappointments. He takes the mess and makes a piece of art.

Those times when condemnation sinks in and i regret the path i trod, wish my past hadn't hurt that much. I look inside my heart, at the all the beauty He makes from all the muddle i had before and i know it was worth it, if only Christ could work in my heart..

Your Love Letter.

2007-04-13T10:50:00.000+02:00

Its so easy to forget, you're there when there's excitement, when there's noise, when there's clamor; but there are those moments when the soul gets quiet, when despite the fanfare,
there's a great calm within, its as if I'm in the middle of a tornado, and at those times, music is but a background and its as if it echoes the loneliness i feel within.

I know that no matter what i try to hide it with, the truth is whenever you're not around i miss you.There's this joy, i feel when am right with you, its as if you're always smiling down at me, and its like its sunny all the time, and although i know you love me even when i go wrong, i don't ever want anything to get between us.

Because, who else listens to me like you do, who else knows the things i feel and can't say, who else sees the tears i dare not show,who else laughs at my scanty attempts at a joke.

There are those times when i get so angry with you, i feel like you've abandoned me, like you don't care anymore but when i look around, i know there's no way else i can run to. and anyway its like you said before, you'll never leave me nor forsake me. so even when times get really hard, and i feel like you're so far, I'll read the love letter you left me with.

I'll read of the number of times you rescued your people and I'll know you'll rescue me.

When I'm depressed, I'll read the psalms, David and i, we have a lot in common, when i see what he went through, and the praise he still gives you, I'll praise you.

When i need a healer, I'll read Isaiah and remember how you were stripped so i can be healed.

When i need a friend, I'll read John and see that you no longer consider me a servant but a friend.

When i need a guide, I'll remember in Exodus how you guided the people of Israel, you were a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night.

When i need a protector, I'll read about Daniel in the Lion's den.

When i need mercy, I'll read Hebrews about how you are not one not to show sympathy.

When i need a dad, I'll read Hosea, of how you will show love to those who were unloved how you will call your people, those who were called otherwise.

And it doesn't matter how i feel. all that matters is what i believe. So though its seems like you're so far, i know you're close and for a while, I'm going to forget everything and read your love letter to me.

He knew my name.

2007-04-11T10:21:00.000+02:00

Tired but happy, I punched the centre of my pillow, trying to make a slight hollow to rest my head. It had been a long day but i smiled when i remembered just how it began.

It was an ordinary day for me. I was going through my list of tax defaulters. I stepped out of my house and into the street to do my rounds when i ran smack into a passing crowd. Now I'm not very tall so all i could see were the backs of men. After straining for a few minutes, i persistently tapped the man in front of me and asked him what was happening. He answered my question not without a hint of irritation.

"Jesus of Nazareth is passing by."

It was as if a bolt of lightning went through me because then I decided I had to see Jesus. I had heard a lot about Him. It was said He could make the blind see and the lame walk again. I immediately began shoving and pushing through the crowd. I met great resistance but I persisted. I tried to slip a hand through, then a foot and somehow I'd manage to get through. I thought I was succeeding when I met with some man's elbow who obviously was determined not to let me through. I fell with a great thud, the jab of his elbow on my chest left me breathing heavily. But I got up. I just had to see Jesus. I tried to jump, to no avail. Everyone in front of me was so tall and I stepped on some one's foot as I tried to jump and was met with an array of insults. Somehow they weren't important, not then. I just wanted to see Jesus.

In my misery, a light bulb lit in my head as looked around and saw a sycamore tree ahead.
I forgot who I was, lifted my robe and took off. I used a short cut through the market place. I reached the tree just before Jesus came and I climbed, straining a bit here and there. I don't remember the last time I climbed a tree. And I saw him. Just the sight of Him, gave me such peace. As he drew closer, my sense of awe grew. Then when he reached my tree, he stopped and looked up, he called my name and I stopped breathing.

"Zacchaeus," he said," come down immediately. I must stay at your house today."

I could hardly believe He had called me and although I heard people mutter loudly that Jesus was coming to the home of a sinner, I hurried home to prepare the feast. Later that night, filled with joy, filled with a love I never knew, a love I'd always wanted and never known, I interrupted the loud laughter, and conversation, stood and made this announcement, "Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount."

Everyone cheered and shouted, and I got out my money bag to show that I meant what I said.
Jesus, looked at me with eyes of love and I knew I would never trade this moment for anything in the world, then He said to me, "Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost."

As I lay down to sleep, I can't help but remain amazed at how one so great would come to my house and just before I drifted off, I smiled as I remembered, Jesus knew my name.

Stranger

2007-04-04T12:54:00.000+02:00

I'm writing this to let you know that I'm looking for you.
I've put up notices and advertised in the papers.
I'm looking in the places we used to be,
Hoping to find clues by reading
the things you used to write,
looking in corners and alley ways.
You see, some one told me you'd been found.
but when i got a glimpse of 'you',
the smile that had began to spread,
started to fade.
Is it really you?
Could this stranger be you?

Do You Really Know

2007-03-30T12:17:00.000+02:00

I could hardly wait for you to wake up today. I wanted to see your smile as you gazed at the sunlight, I made just for you and listen as you closed you eyes and just thanked me for the day ahead. You didn’t use big words and your prayer wasn’t long, but I could hear the love with which you prayed. It seemed to flow right out of you and suddenly I just couldn’t wait to bless you.

I watched as you searched your closet, for what to wear to church, never quite finding anything just right. You finally gave up and just grabbed anything because you were running late. I’ve never quite understood why all my children fuss so much about clothes. It’s the inside that matters and therein you look great to me.

I knew you couldn’t see the angels moving beside you as you walked up the hill to church but I opened up the eyes of the idle man who was thinking of grabbing your bag and when He saw two huge men walking on either side of you, he changed his mind.

Right after fellowship, I saw you suppress your shyness and walk up to someone you’d never seen before just to say hi, and I felt my heart swell with pride and I wonder do you know just how much I love you, how just being with you makes me so happy.

It’s not because you’re perfect, you make mistakes here and there, don’t think I didn’t see you pretend not to see the beggar by the road although you could easily afford to give him a coin or two.

I love you, because you’re mine. And there are these things you do that just make me want bless you all the time. Like the times you just let go of everything and worship me and in those times its as if its just you and me in that room and no one else, like the times when nothing seems to go right but still you choose to trust that I’m in still in control, the times you listen to your mom and wash the dishes when you’d rather watch a nice movie.

It’s these things that make me want to bless you and today I wrote this because I wonder, do you really know just how much I love you?

I made a discovery

2007-03-28T13:19:00.000+02:00

I was wondering today,
why i couldn't give the whole of me
why i couldn't love another,
so completely,
and i heard my heart whisper,
from deep inside of me,
dear, you can't love another,
if you won't love me.

Love of my life

2007-03-23T10:23:00.000+02:00

Sometimes, i miss being in love,
the quickened heart beat,
the constant day dreams,
and the secret smiles,
sometimes i long for someone
to once again take my breath away,
for someone whose name is enough
to make my day,
someone to fill my every other thought
at work or play,
then i remember that the reason there is no one
is because there was You.
You used to be enough,
the thought of You gave me joy,
i can't explain, gave me such
happiness, nothing else mattered
and in my heart, i knew that anyone else
would always be second to You.
But lately
I've gotten so far from You,
Have chosen to live my own life,
and now there is that emptiness,
I know no Prince Charming could fill,
and so like a child, i come back and ask,
would you take your place again?
Lord, would You become the Love of life?

He saves

2007-03-23T10:13:00.000+02:00

Life sometimes hits us with more
than we can stand,
and when we think it's over
we find its only just began.

when we think it couldn't
possibly get worse than this,
something sets in
to wipe away any bliss.

there was a time when it seemed
that's all life was about.
an endless tirade of guilt, shame,
fear and self doubt.

that's when i realised that
in life nothing stays the same
and sure they'll be times of
immeasurable pain,

but there is something that will never change,
He'll never stop being who He is,
He's our healer, counselor, comforter,
our prince of peace,

when life throws you into a storm,
look not at the waves
look at the never changing King,
our Jesus saves.

Marvelled

2007-03-23T09:58:00.000+02:00

I'd given the world my heart,
and chosen to live the dream, it had given me.
In this game I played apart,
until you opened my eyes and let me see.

I was living a life of emptiness,
Going wherever the world took me.
And yet even in that, the world demanded my best,
It wanted everything even my sanity.

You showed me where my life was leading.
I couldn't hide my frustration under a heap of success.
That the world cared nothing about what i was feeling
In fact, it couldn't care less.

What i find so amazing,
is how you could know me so completely,
yet your love remains so unchanging.
I marvel, that a God like you could love some one like me.

It began with a smile

2007-03-23T09:44:00.000+02:00

There's something about you that's so special.

If there ever was a being, close to an angel,it would be you.

Your bright smile, your thoughtfulways,

all such an intricate part of you.

Yet your beauty is not in perfection,

not even in the fact that you could so easily be an angel.

Your beauty is the human side of you.

The part that lets itself laugh, the part that lets itself cry,

the part that makes mistakes, (the part that's afraid to love).

Because it was those emotions we shared

-even when you wouldn't let anyone see your tears.

I don't love you because your strong

(although, you almost always are),

I love that in your weakness, you draw strength

from the great I am.

Even as i write this, time's speeding by,

and i don't know where the sands of time

will take us, but i pray this prayer over you;

That tears will never blind you so much

that you can't see His grace,

I pray life's bounty of blessings over you,

I pray that when you fall in love, it will be with "him",

The one God's set out for you.

I pray that God will use you in so many ways,

to bring light to other people's lives

like you have mine.

I pray that you might get the desire of your heart,

But perhaps most of all i pray that,

someday when all this is over,

I'll still be the third roomie even in Heaven!

No farther than my heart

2007-03-22T15:38:00.000+02:00

Thought about you today,
Thought the ache would go away.
But i still feel the same way.

I cant hide behind a nonchalant poise
inside, i still long to hear your voice
and sometimes i do, above every other noise.

Now we're miles and years apart,
but you're right here beside me in my heart,
a figure that just wont remain in the past.

sometimes i wish for you,
wish that the miles between us were few,
and that the words we should have said weren't over due,

yet i'll always treasure the time we spent together,
fondly remember, the thoughts we shared with each other,
and i know, i'll forever keep you in my heart and no farther.

The Feather in my hand

2007-03-22T12:37:00.001+02:00

In a green green meadow, i stand,
holding this feather in my hand.
where its been and where it will go, i know not,
I only know inside, i envy it a lot.
Perhaps its seen the deserts of the sahara,
the polar bears and seals of Alaska.
It must have seen an eagle in flight,
basked in an Indian twilight,
heard the sounds of the African drum,
probably arose from an Australian farm.
I wish i could coax it to speak,
But it remains silent,quiet and meek.
And i unfortunately can only dream,
of the beautiful places, this feather has been.

For You

2007-03-22T11:10:00.000+02:00

For You
For the one who loves me,
even when i don't love myself,
for the one who gives me dreams,
even when i'm too afraid to dream anymore.
for the one who gives me life,
even when it seems like i have no reason to live.
for the one who makes me smile,
even when tears still run down my face.
for the one who never leaves me,
even when i try to run so far away from you.
for You my love, i've written this poem.
its no ordinary ode.
because wrapped in a poet's words,
You'll see, is my heart.