Life so often batters us, so many times we feel like life took one whole mouthful of us, chewed us up and then spat us out, the missed opportunities, lost dreams, the heart breaks, disappointments, betrayals all serve to rip us apart, beat us down.
I felt like that this morning, like my foot was stuck on the rails and i could distinctly hear the sounds of a train in a distance, heading my way. because we have to go on so many of us try to mend our wounds by ourselves. We seat up all night and stitch up the wounds with hatred, anger, unforgiveness, pity, alcohol and drugs.
If we took a peek at our own hearts, we'd feel what Jesus feels when he sees the ugly make shift patterns we have. Tacks so loose, that when even a shred of disappointment comes our way, the threads easily come a part, opening wounds of so long a go.
But when i let Jesus mend my heart, he does it so neatly. He knits, weaves and embroiders beautiful patterns. You see, Jesus can't take the scars away because, sometimes I've made mistakes and there are consequences for them but he does embroider quilts so beautiful, that I'm no longer afraid to look at the past mistakes and disappointments. He takes the mess and makes a piece of art.
Those times when condemnation sinks in and i regret the path i trod, wish my past hadn't hurt that much. I look inside my heart, at the all the beauty He makes from all the muddle i had before and i know it was worth it, if only Christ could work in my heart..
Monday 16 April 2007
Friday 13 April 2007
Your Love Letter.
Its so easy to forget, you're there when there's excitement, when there's noise, when there's clamor; but there are those moments when the soul gets quiet, when despite the fanfare,
there's a great calm within, its as if I'm in the middle of a tornado, and at those times, music is but a background and its as if it echoes the loneliness i feel within.
I know that no matter what i try to hide it with, the truth is whenever you're not around i miss you.There's this joy, i feel when am right with you, its as if you're always smiling down at me, and its like its sunny all the time, and although i know you love me even when i go wrong, i don't ever want anything to get between us.
Because, who else listens to me like you do, who else knows the things i feel and can't say, who else sees the tears i dare not show,who else laughs at my scanty attempts at a joke.
There are those times when i get so angry with you, i feel like you've abandoned me, like you don't care anymore but when i look around, i know there's no way else i can run to. and anyway its like you said before, you'll never leave me nor forsake me. so even when times get really hard, and i feel like you're so far, I'll read the love letter you left me with.
I'll read of the number of times you rescued your people and I'll know you'll rescue me.
When I'm depressed, I'll read the psalms, David and i, we have a lot in common, when i see what he went through, and the praise he still gives you, I'll praise you.
When i need a healer, I'll read Isaiah and remember how you were stripped so i can be healed.
When i need a friend, I'll read John and see that you no longer consider me a servant but a friend.
When i need a guide, I'll remember in Exodus how you guided the people of Israel, you were a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night.
When i need a protector, I'll read about Daniel in the Lion's den.
When i need mercy, I'll read Hebrews about how you are not one not to show sympathy.
When i need a dad, I'll read Hosea, of how you will show love to those who were unloved how you will call your people, those who were called otherwise.
And it doesn't matter how i feel. all that matters is what i believe. So though its seems like you're so far, i know you're close and for a while, I'm going to forget everything and read your love letter to me.
there's a great calm within, its as if I'm in the middle of a tornado, and at those times, music is but a background and its as if it echoes the loneliness i feel within.
I know that no matter what i try to hide it with, the truth is whenever you're not around i miss you.There's this joy, i feel when am right with you, its as if you're always smiling down at me, and its like its sunny all the time, and although i know you love me even when i go wrong, i don't ever want anything to get between us.
Because, who else listens to me like you do, who else knows the things i feel and can't say, who else sees the tears i dare not show,who else laughs at my scanty attempts at a joke.
There are those times when i get so angry with you, i feel like you've abandoned me, like you don't care anymore but when i look around, i know there's no way else i can run to. and anyway its like you said before, you'll never leave me nor forsake me. so even when times get really hard, and i feel like you're so far, I'll read the love letter you left me with.
I'll read of the number of times you rescued your people and I'll know you'll rescue me.
When I'm depressed, I'll read the psalms, David and i, we have a lot in common, when i see what he went through, and the praise he still gives you, I'll praise you.
When i need a healer, I'll read Isaiah and remember how you were stripped so i can be healed.
When i need a friend, I'll read John and see that you no longer consider me a servant but a friend.
When i need a guide, I'll remember in Exodus how you guided the people of Israel, you were a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night.
When i need a protector, I'll read about Daniel in the Lion's den.
When i need mercy, I'll read Hebrews about how you are not one not to show sympathy.
When i need a dad, I'll read Hosea, of how you will show love to those who were unloved how you will call your people, those who were called otherwise.
And it doesn't matter how i feel. all that matters is what i believe. So though its seems like you're so far, i know you're close and for a while, I'm going to forget everything and read your love letter to me.
Wednesday 11 April 2007
He knew my name.
Tired but happy, I punched the centre of my pillow, trying to make a slight hollow to rest my head. It had been a long day but i smiled when i remembered just how it began.
It was an ordinary day for me. I was going through my list of tax defaulters. I stepped out of my house and into the street to do my rounds when i ran smack into a passing crowd. Now I'm not very tall so all i could see were the backs of men. After straining for a few minutes, i persistently tapped the man in front of me and asked him what was happening. He answered my question not without a hint of irritation.
"Jesus of Nazareth is passing by."
It was as if a bolt of lightning went through me because then I decided I had to see Jesus. I had heard a lot about Him. It was said He could make the blind see and the lame walk again. I immediately began shoving and pushing through the crowd. I met great resistance but I persisted. I tried to slip a hand through, then a foot and somehow I'd manage to get through. I thought I was succeeding when I met with some man's elbow who obviously was determined not to let me through. I fell with a great thud, the jab of his elbow on my chest left me breathing heavily. But I got up. I just had to see Jesus. I tried to jump, to no avail. Everyone in front of me was so tall and I stepped on some one's foot as I tried to jump and was met with an array of insults. Somehow they weren't important, not then. I just wanted to see Jesus.
In my misery, a light bulb lit in my head as looked around and saw a sycamore tree ahead.
I forgot who I was, lifted my robe and took off. I used a short cut through the market place. I reached the tree just before Jesus came and I climbed, straining a bit here and there. I don't remember the last time I climbed a tree. And I saw him. Just the sight of Him, gave me such peace. As he drew closer, my sense of awe grew. Then when he reached my tree, he stopped and looked up, he called my name and I stopped breathing.
"Zacchaeus," he said," come down immediately. I must stay at your house today."
I could hardly believe He had called me and although I heard people mutter loudly that Jesus was coming to the home of a sinner, I hurried home to prepare the feast. Later that night, filled with joy, filled with a love I never knew, a love I'd always wanted and never known, I interrupted the loud laughter, and conversation, stood and made this announcement, "Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount."
Everyone cheered and shouted, and I got out my money bag to show that I meant what I said.
Jesus, looked at me with eyes of love and I knew I would never trade this moment for anything in the world, then He said to me, "Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost."
As I lay down to sleep, I can't help but remain amazed at how one so great would come to my house and just before I drifted off, I smiled as I remembered, Jesus knew my name.
It was an ordinary day for me. I was going through my list of tax defaulters. I stepped out of my house and into the street to do my rounds when i ran smack into a passing crowd. Now I'm not very tall so all i could see were the backs of men. After straining for a few minutes, i persistently tapped the man in front of me and asked him what was happening. He answered my question not without a hint of irritation.
"Jesus of Nazareth is passing by."
It was as if a bolt of lightning went through me because then I decided I had to see Jesus. I had heard a lot about Him. It was said He could make the blind see and the lame walk again. I immediately began shoving and pushing through the crowd. I met great resistance but I persisted. I tried to slip a hand through, then a foot and somehow I'd manage to get through. I thought I was succeeding when I met with some man's elbow who obviously was determined not to let me through. I fell with a great thud, the jab of his elbow on my chest left me breathing heavily. But I got up. I just had to see Jesus. I tried to jump, to no avail. Everyone in front of me was so tall and I stepped on some one's foot as I tried to jump and was met with an array of insults. Somehow they weren't important, not then. I just wanted to see Jesus.
In my misery, a light bulb lit in my head as looked around and saw a sycamore tree ahead.
I forgot who I was, lifted my robe and took off. I used a short cut through the market place. I reached the tree just before Jesus came and I climbed, straining a bit here and there. I don't remember the last time I climbed a tree. And I saw him. Just the sight of Him, gave me such peace. As he drew closer, my sense of awe grew. Then when he reached my tree, he stopped and looked up, he called my name and I stopped breathing.
"Zacchaeus," he said," come down immediately. I must stay at your house today."
I could hardly believe He had called me and although I heard people mutter loudly that Jesus was coming to the home of a sinner, I hurried home to prepare the feast. Later that night, filled with joy, filled with a love I never knew, a love I'd always wanted and never known, I interrupted the loud laughter, and conversation, stood and made this announcement, "Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount."
Everyone cheered and shouted, and I got out my money bag to show that I meant what I said.
Jesus, looked at me with eyes of love and I knew I would never trade this moment for anything in the world, then He said to me, "Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost."
As I lay down to sleep, I can't help but remain amazed at how one so great would come to my house and just before I drifted off, I smiled as I remembered, Jesus knew my name.
Wednesday 4 April 2007
Stranger
I'm writing this to let you know that I'm looking for you.
I've put up notices and advertised in the papers.
I'm looking in the places we used to be,
Hoping to find clues by reading
the things you used to write,
looking in corners and alley ways.
You see, some one told me you'd been found.
but when i got a glimpse of 'you',
the smile that had began to spread,
started to fade.
Is it really you?
Could this stranger be you?
I've put up notices and advertised in the papers.
I'm looking in the places we used to be,
Hoping to find clues by reading
the things you used to write,
looking in corners and alley ways.
You see, some one told me you'd been found.
but when i got a glimpse of 'you',
the smile that had began to spread,
started to fade.
Is it really you?
Could this stranger be you?
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