Monday, 26 November 2007

Painting memories

We're counting down days
to when we'll have to part.
Sometimes we can't help but think
God played a cruel trick on us.
Why did we have to fall in love
when we'd have to part?
During the day I pretend to be strong
but at night my pillow tells different tales
of the pain laden tears that soak it.
How will I make it without you?
We laugh and talk,
steal moments of time together,
yet the nagging thought of our
separation still lingers like a shadow.
I want to make you promise
that you'll wait for me,
but am so scared.
Would it be fair for me to?
I know you say you will,
but this isn't just any story,
this is our story, yours and mine.
l and I have so many questions.
Will distance fade out the magic?
If you can no longer see me,
will someone else
take your breath away?
If you can't see me anymore,
would you love me the same?
I'm just so scared.
Should we say goodbye now
or dare to hope.
Hopeless romantics
that we are,we do hope.
Clinging on to the
fantasy of forever.
So while we can,
we paint memories
and we pray.
We pray and ask God
to have His way.
P.S: That's where Feather's been. Using her ink to paint memories

Friday, 19 October 2007

Simple truth

The all too busy appearance,
the easy frowns, the late nights,
forgotten birthdays, the long trips away.
Oh the others can complain, alright,
that you never have time for them,
that perhaps you don't really love them.
But I know the truth
If there ever was a father who
loved his children it would be you.
If anyone wanted the best for them,
it would still be you.
The simple truth is that,
daddy, inside, you hurt.
Even when you try to pretend its not there,
or try to get too busy or run far.
You can't run fast or far enough,
cause daddy the pain isn't here,
Daddy the pain is inside you.

Thursday, 4 October 2007

People in love

I watch you hold the pain that you won't share.
and try to pretend its not there.
Yet inside, I know you're bleeding
and that pride keeps you from weeping.
So I too pretend that I dont notice your pain
because I know you'd push me away.
The thing is, I'm not as strong as you
and I find myself crying for you.
So you hold me and wonder why I cry,
wonder what trouble passed by.
Love, I cry for me, and I cry also for you
Because people in love, that's what they do.

Thursday, 20 September 2007

The reason why

Been so happy lately,
and I unsuccessfully have tried
to convince myself,
that you're not the reason why.

Tuesday, 18 September 2007


for Jesus.


Monday, 3 September 2007

Behind the glass

Been standing at this window,
watching you gaze at me.
You place your palm on the glass
and I put mine against it.
We talk and talk till
common sense tells us we must leave;
that you must work and I must study.
But always we come back to our glass,
to share our smiles,
share our stories, until the one day you ask
why I stand always on this side.
And I reply, a little sadly, that its safer here;
behind the glass.

Thursday, 23 August 2007


Bits of paper,
marks of ink,
put together,
somehow link,
parts of you,
to parts of me,
our hearts too

Tuesday, 14 August 2007

Who are you sailing with?

Life's like an ocean,
sometimes its as calm as can be,
other times its a stormy sea.
But its not the weather,
you're sailing in that counts.
Its who you're sailing with!

Tuesday, 7 August 2007

The box in the loft

I pulled the suitcase down
from its hiding place high up
in my bedroom loft.
I brushed off the dust and opened it.
Years ago, I'd opened this suitcase
and got my heart out.
I'd decided to love despite the risk.
Chosen to take the plunge.
I wasn't going to shrink
at the sight of love.
I was going to give my heart away
and if it got broken,
I'd hold it but only till I found
someone else to give it to.
But when I met you,
you changed my way of thinking.
I didn't know a person could
hurt as much as this.
Didn't know I could
feel this much pain.
You made me afraid.
Afraid of loving anyone as
much as I love you because
then they'd have so much
power over me.
Much like you do.
So I got the suitcase out
and I'm placing my heart
back in there.
I'm putting my love for you in a box
and I'm going to lock it up forever.
Sure I'll still be your friend but
I'll never let myself love you
this much again.
Call me a coward if you will,
I'll never let myself love
another this much again.

Thursday, 2 August 2007

She died

You came back about
a month ago, two years
after you left the country.
It was only six months
after the wedding and
still you wonder what
happened to your merry bride?
I see you looking at me curiously
from the corner of your eye
as you cuddle the child
you've only just seen.
You haven't said a thing,
but I know you're thinking it.
What happened
to the girl you left behind?
The one who adored you,
who worshipped the
very ground you trod.
The girl who would have
given heaven and earth
just to make you happy.
Husband mine; she died.
In her place is a woman.
Birthed by a lonely heart,
in a cold bed, amidst the
night shadows of a bleak room.

Tuesday, 31 July 2007

Too old to laugh

I watch you get ready for work,
the perfect makeup, the right clothes,
not a hair out of place.
Still you talk,
and I, as usual listen-
with only one ear.
"Stop taking life so casually,
there's a time to grow up,"
you say.
Should start thinking of what
I want to do with my life.
Start working for that promotion,
saving for a car,
begin to look out for a wedding ring.
And when you see my placid expression,
you exasperatedly say, that I've lost much,
before you walk out the door.
And perhaps you're right,
I do need to grow up,
I might have even lost much.
I can't help but think though,
that you've lost more.
The things we used to love,
don't mean much to you anymore.
You'd rather go to a cafe,
than just enjoy a picnic
on a Sunday afternoon,
you'd rather go to the cinema
than stay in one saturday
and revel in the antics of a
Tom and Jerry cartoon,
its important for you to
look sophisticated, smart and sassy
than get dirty with the rest of us
as we wrestle across the sand
on a beach for a volleyball.
You grew up too fast my dear,
and you grew too old to laugh.

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

Because I share it with You.

This night's colder than any other,
not starry bright either.
But inside I bubble with laughter,
and smile in delight.
This night is more beautiful
than any other
because I share it with you.

Friday, 20 July 2007

Once upon a star.(An Angel's journal)

This story is really a draft but I hope you like it anyway.

It was one of those days, when there is a certain calm, the mind is at peace and you long just to dream. Some of the angels decided to play a game of football so I used this chance to slip away and take a walk. Heaven is always beautiful but on a day like this, its allure grows in leaps and bounds. It was a day when the butterflies all came out to play and they looked like petals floating in the breeze.

Even Suku, one of the youngest chimps wasn't up to his usual antics. He seemed to prefer his mother's back to terrorising the birds. I simply don't know how he does it. He loves to climb up a tree and scare the living daylights out of any bird. How on earth he manages to sneak up on a bird is absolutely beyond me but he does make us laugh.

Merry thoughts were going through my mind as i made my way to the fruit trees. I heard a sound and stopped. I could hear muffled sobbing as if the little creature didn't want anyone to hear but the woeful sound tore at my heart. I looked avidly for the sound until I caught sight of the lone creature. Why, it was a star.

I began to make my way to it when I felt a presence. It brought along with it, an aura, of peace and I knew it was my Lord. The star stopped weeping and quickly dried its tears. The master sat beside it. He spoke. I don't believe you've heard the master speak before but oh how wonderful that voice is. Its not that its sounds like anyone who should be getting a Grammy every year, it just makes you happy. You feel loved. I stood a far, a little guilty for eavesdropping but I longed to hear.

"What's wrong little one? Why are you so low?"

"Me, I'm so happy..." One look at the Master's face and he stopped lying.

"Lord, you already know, why should I tell you?"

"Because I love to listen to you."

"You do?" the little creature asked incredulously.

"Of course I do. Even the little snores you make when you're asleep. The sounds you make when you're pretending to be a train and cry 'choo choo' which drives the other stars crazy."
At that the little one chuckled, "It does drive them crazy." He grew quiet, then asked.

"Do you really love to listen to me? Do you really love me? Does it bother you that I can't shine as bright as the other stars do? We're so many. Billions of stars in just one of billions of galaxies. Do you even know I exist? I'm so little and my light is so dim." This outburst seemed to have drained all the energy in the little chapped and he breathed heavily as he kept his tear stained face on Jesus.

"Oh, come here," and He drew the little chap onto His lap.

"I knew you before you were made. I watched as you were formed. And I know there are so many creatures created, but I love you like there is no one else. Sure, you're not the brightest star, but you don't have to be, you're wonderful just the way you are. Remember the night you got measles and you had to miss your cousin's birthday party?"

"Yes," he nodded as his memory was jogged.

"and you prayed to God because you didn't want to be alone?"

"Yes, then a puppy just came out of nowhere and..." recognition dawned and he smiled, "you sent the puppy."

"Actually, it was an angel, who wasn't willing to be a puppy even on assignment, but he had so much fun he came back the next day."

I began to smile smugly. We'd had so much fun that night, I remember. We played catch and he loved it when I tickled him with my nose even if it was a doggy nose.

"In fact, that little angel isn't far off."

My heart began to race. This wasn't the way things were supposed to turn out.

"You can come out of hiding now."

I came out, not without some embarrassment.

"Rufus!" An excited star called out and ran to me. That was his puppy's name. I lifted him up high.
Jesus stood up and asked, "Do you doubt I love you now?"

The little guy shook his head and just as Jesus turned, the little star called out, "I love you too, Jesus."

Wednesday, 18 July 2007

8 Random Facts

Was tagged by Prettylyf. Had done something similar earlier but I'll try to make this different.

The Rules are:-
We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

  • Unless I'm dining with someone, I can't eat without having something to read. Even if its the ingredients on a cereal box. I just have to read something.

  • I sometimes count words in sentences, especially if I like the way it sounds. Don't ask me why, I don't know either.

  • Don't like shopping, much to my mom's chagrin.

  • Don't like talking much either. Sometimes I just need to share silence with someone.

  • I love to let go sometimes. Let the little child in me get out. Unfortunately, its only a certain kind of people who can set it free. So I love them for that.

  • I love it when someone hugs me just because. (not those stereotype hugs you get every time you meet someone)

  • Love it when I find a really nice book.(You know how hard it is to come across one)

  • I love the laughter of a child. It doesn't have the restraints of worry or care. Its a beautiful sound.

Okay, done my lot so I'm tagging: Lulu, 27th Comrade, Sparkle, jaybabe, pea, mafudian, be silent, rae.

Monday, 16 July 2007

Have Your way

Oh heart of mine,
here we are again,
and I can't for the
life of me,
guess how we
found ourselves here.
All, I know is this soul
of mine is grieving,
and crouched inside,
dear heart, you lie weeping.
And I,
am just so tired.
trying to hold
on to my sanity,
Fighting for some peace.
Then He tells me
to just rest,
to simply let go.
Even as I desire
that tranquility
I quiver with fear.
If I stop fighting,
does it show weakness?
Gently you remind me that
its in my weakness
that You are strong,
that its okay to cry,
that faith inYou
is not about
pretending that
everything is fine.
And so I do.
I just let go,
give You everything.
Have Your way.

Tuesday, 10 July 2007

You were right

That was always my excuse.
I'd rather crawl under a duvet
and have a date with a novel.
Oh they're beautiful.
They take you away,
to far away places.

But yesterday,
I found you were right.
Books, wonderful creations
though they are,
-cannot love.

Friday, 6 July 2007

The Seasons Of My Soul by: Helen Steiner Rice

Why am I cast down
And despondently sad
When I long to be happy
And joyous and glad?

Why is my heart heavy
With unfathomable weight
As I try to escape
This soul-saddened state?

I ask myself often ...
"What makes life this way,
Why is the song silenced
In the heart that was gay?"

And then, with God's help
It all becomes clear,
The "Soul" has its "Seasons"
Just the same as the year.

I, too, must pass through
Life's autumn of dying,
A desolate period
Of heart-hurt and crying.

Followed by winter
In whose frostbitten hand
My heart is as frozen
As the snow-covered land.

Yes, man too must pass
Through the seasons God sends,
Content in the knowledge
That everything ends.

And, Oh! What a blessing
To know there are reasons
And to find that our soul
Must, too, have it's seasons.

"Bounteous Seasons"
And "Barren Ones," too.
Times for rejoicing
And times to be blue.

But meeting these seasons
Of dark desolation
With strength that
is born Of anticipation

That comes from knowing
That "autumn-time sadness"
Will surely be followed by a
"Springtime of Gladness."

Wednesday, 4 July 2007

Not Afraid

There was a time,
when I worried about
what people thought of me.
Would I be too weird,
if I spoke so much about You?
Would they stare,
if I raised my hands to Worship You?
If I closed my eyes
to say a prayer before I ate in a diner,
would I draw so much attention?
Would I be isolated if I told people
that my idea of a high
was being drunk in the Spirit.
But, I'm not afraid
to love YOU any more.

Lived this life and found,
there's no rest outside You.
If estrangement is the cost
of loving you,
It will only isolate me from,
anything that would keep me
away from you.
You're worth so much more,
than anything than I could give
yet You still love me,
so today I decide,
that I'll never again,
be afraid to love You.

Monday, 2 July 2007


A thousand times,
I ask myself why I love you,
a thousand times,
I respond, "I don't know".
A thousand times,
I've told my heart, "let go",
a thousand times,
My heart's said "no".
And though a thousand times,
you make me cry,
One moment with you,
makes me smile.
And I suppose life's a cocktail;
a cocktail of laughter and tears
Perhaps its fate that
I have you in my wineglass.

Wednesday, 27 June 2007


Up until now, I thought our friendship was a guise of something deeper. Something I couldn't quite touch or see. It was something I could only feel. The fear of losing you, kept me from saying a thing. What if I was wrong? or perhaps worse still, if I was right. So I went on with this charade. The one where I was your closest confidante, your unquestionable ally and while I acted, I tried to pretend I don't miss you if I'm not with you, that I don't anxiously wait for the phone to ring or hope to catch a glimpse of you somewhere. But I got tired of pretending that I don't want to send you message because I only saw you a while ago. What does it matter, if I choose to enjoy your company? The truth is, I was afraid of falling in love with you, afraid that I was already in too deep: but now, I realise that I treasure what we have too much to ruin it by bringing cupid into the picture. I guess its easy to get romantic notions when two people are as close as you and I. But I've chosen to love you the best way I can. Perhaps not as a soul mate or your beloved, I've chosen to be the best friend I can be. Only then will I not have to pretend that I don't already miss you even when we met a few hours ago, because this time, it will be different. I really will be your amigo and not some besotted girl trying to pass off as your friend. There is that girl God's got for you and there's that guy God's got for me. As I wait for him, I pray that you too, wait for her.

Friday, 22 June 2007


When I pray,
The world falls at my feet,
The enemy cries in defeat,

When I pray,
Whole nations are moved to their knees,
Mindless war begins to cease.

When I pray,
I know the world’s alright,
And its no longer night.

When I pray,
I have a new hope,
Confusion begins to stop.

When I pray,
I find my heart’s rest,
And I remain forever blessed.

Addition by lulu(I love it)

When I pray,
solace comes to me
on angel's wings

When I pray,
the hand of comfort
wipes the lone tears.

When I pray,
the false tide of life
is silenced by the voice of truth

When I pray
all is calm
all is well.

Wednesday, 20 June 2007


Yesterday's past,
tomorrow's yet to be,
today, I choose to trust,
that He'll take care of me!

Friday, 15 June 2007

Gray Skies

When my sky turns gray,
as it sometimes will,
remind me again,
that You're with me still.
Let me not waste single day,
worried, sad or even grim,
remind me again,
that You're with me still.

Friday, 8 June 2007


When the nature of the complexity,
Bars the world from you,
The bars only create a sphere,
Where there’s just Jesus and You.

Monday, 4 June 2007

If I could ask for one thing

Lord if you appeared to me one night,
and told me to ask for whatever I'd like,

I'd ask for Your eyes.

Solomon asked for wisdom,
and some would ask for freedom,

But all I want is Your eyes.

I want to see past the smiles they're faking,
and into the heart that's breaking.

With your eyes,

Let me see beyond the quarrelsome shrew,
into the heart that's in need of you.

Give me Your eyes,

That I might see beneath their bossy exterior,
To the timid soul who feels inferior,

With these eyes,

I'd like to see beyond the masks they wear,
and perceive the burdens they bear.

If I had Your eyes,

I'd see past the beggar's guise,
and into the heart that cries.

Because of Your eyes,

I wouldn't judge them,
-I'd simply love them.

Thursday, 31 May 2007

An Angel's journal

It was a busy day in Heaven today and though almost everyday, there are several missions God sends us to, today was extremely busy, and all over heaven we could hear the cry of saints all over the earth begging, crying and asking for one thing or another and although most of the people did not deserve any help at all, King Jesus, lost time in sending us their way to offer help or comfort where necessary whenever they asked.

The Lord had sent me to help a young lady in the delivery room for the first time, it wasn't easy trying to speak comfort and peace to her heart when she was filled with fear. She had given her life to Jesus ten years ago when she was nine and here she lay in a hospital bed, alone and afraid, trying to have her baby alone because the young "Christian" boy who had promised to marry her had decided she wasn't important anymore.

Broken she'd come before the Lord, feeling worthless. I wish she could see the love with which my Lord looks at her. He'd promised her she'd never be alone and there we were in the hospital room. One of the other angels began to sing, softly, that seemed to calm her fear, and when the baby was born, the song remained in her heart. The child was a girl and she was named melody. I couldn't help being pleased with myself. It was a job well done.

It was hardly over when I was on the move again, saving an old man from an accident as he crossed the road then Jesus sent me to hug a little boy who was lonely and often cried himself to sleep. I held him as he cried and stayed by him all night then left him to his guardian angel. That was how the day was spent; rushing from one mission to the next.

I was China with a very sick old lady, staying with her and waiting to meet her when she crossed over to meet our Lord, when suddenly, a pleasant sound, a wonderful harmony seemed to rise up from somewhere on earth, and for a minute everyone stopped what they were doing, I watched as angel after angel arose from their tasks, some grateful for a little distraction because they'd just been helping people who continued to look at he negative side of things no matter what God tried to do for them. We all arose to see where the wonderful, sound came from.

And there amidst all the tumult and noise, this young lad was raising his voice in praise and adoration. Don't get me wrong, lots of people praise, but when even one person does so in Spirit and in truth, the heartfelt worship, rises in heaven, I could feel joy rising up in me, everyone around me whooped and yelled, I joined the excitement, its not all the time that you get to hear such earnest worship. It's not that people don't worship. Many do, it's just that often times, it's a routine to them and some do so because they want to ask God for something. The sound that was filling up the Heavens was soooo beautiful. When you've had a day like mine, spent rescuing people, listening to people's complaints. There is something so wonderful, so refreshing, so divine, so marvellous about hearing just one soul declare his unfaltering, unwavering love for the Lord.

As everyone danced and made noise, I looked at Jesus, and they were tears running down His face, I walked towards Him and when I reached His side, He pointed to a paper that lay beside the man, He'd been diagnosed with cancer and given no more than three months to live. Then I understood why tears ran down his face, while so many of the saints below would most certainly have complained, he'd chosen to bless the Lord.

Tuesday, 29 May 2007

To love again

I've come to realise,
that the tears that fall from these eyes,
in this short span of life.
because of sadness,
sorrow and strife,
are well worth the pain,
If I could love again,
for tears cleanse the soul.
They give vent to things that need to go
and they make the body whole.
These are the little things i know
for love is well worth the pain,
and hate such an unnecessary strain,
for we were made to love,
so says the Lord above,
If it meant to love we must cry,
a happy soul I'd still die,
because for love, Christ gave,
In love, I was saved.

Monday, 28 May 2007


Angry at myself,
angry at you,
angry that despite the odds,
I still love you.

Thursday, 24 May 2007

My Seven

This one's been long in coming. Sorry Betty. You tagged me earlier but the poetry always seemed to burst forth then. I don't know what you'd like to know.
  • I love cartoons. Still hate it when I miss Sesame street on t.v. (I know it sounds childish but every one has a little kid inside, mine just comes out this way).
  • I love words but i guess you know that already.
  • I love milk. Something about it just relaxes me. (You can add that to childish trait no.2 but that's okay).
  • I can hardly wait to get to heaven. There are lots of questions I'd like to ask God and then there are the several people I'd like to meet. Like Jesus(still don't know why He'd love someone like me),Paul, David, Thomas, Noah. Then I'd like to ask Jonah what it was like to be in the belly of a fish for three days and did he actually think he could run away from God? (Interesting question, considering that I've tried several times).
  • I started sunday school in my backyard when we wouldn't go to church. I'd gather the neighbourhood kids and preach. I was six then. That kid disappeared for a while, she's only just coming back. Told you can 't run away from God for long.When you try to, you get swallowed by a fish. Ask Jonah.
  • I find it extremely repulsive when people spit in public. It's bad enough when a guy does it, but when it's a lady, it's absolutely atrocious.
  • I hate pornography and what it does to people especially my age. I want to help the youth my age overcome it. Want to get people to open up and stop struggling with it. Get help and move on. They don't have to be bound by it. So anyone need help, don't let shame or silence keep you in chains. "Shame can be defined as trying to hide what God's trying to uncover and heal"Archbishop Henry Orombi. Willing to help anyone who wants to let it go.

I guess that's it about me. I know am late but am going to tag prettylyf and scotchbiscuits anyway.

Wednesday, 23 May 2007


Wrap their arms around you,
Some tender and sweet,
As you think on a loved one,
Some cruel and painful,
Those times when despair won,
Some of giddy excitement,
When you just have lots of fun,
Some of just peace and serenity,
When you blissfully watch the sun,
Then they’re those times…
When their intensity can’t be put to words.

Monday, 21 May 2007

I want mine to last forever

I can't help but wonder,
How two people meant to be together,
How two lives destined to be One,
How love so profound,
Could somehow dwindle to bitterness.
Was there never a time,
When the world was beautiful,
Because of this one person,
Was there never a time,
When the thought of that name,
brought an endless series of litanies,
within your heart.
Was there never a time,
when your water was wine,
Just because you shared it
with that person.
Whatever happened to the stolen kisses,
secret rendezvous, the love filled notes,
the endless chatter...
Call me a helpless romantic,
Call me a fool...
But I want mine to last forever!

Thursday, 17 May 2007


The sun shone today,
did you notice?
The birds sung away,
Did you notice?
I did it so you could smile.
You woke up late,
I noticed,
But the lessons were great,
Did you notice?
I did it so you could smile.
Your day was dreary,
I noticed,
But tonight the sky's starry,
Did you notice?
I did it so you could smile.
Someone hurt you,
I noticed,
But i sent a friend right on cue.
Did you notice?
I did it so you could smile.

Tuesday, 15 May 2007

Familiar Strangers

Worlds apart,
You and I,
so close.
Yet so far,
so clear,
Yet so blurred,
right here,
and yet there,
so dear,
yet so cold,
You say nothng's changed,
It's all the same,
Why then, am i so lonely,
when I'm with you?!

Friday, 11 May 2007

The Real me

I was just looking for words to express how I felt today. This song by Natalie Grant says it all. It blesses me cause its a mirror of what I feel many times; like someone, hiding behind a veil.

Foolish heart looks like we're here again
Same old game of plastic smile
Don't let anybody in
Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break
How much will they take before I'm empty
Do I let it show, does anybody know?

But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me

Painted on, life is behind a mask
Self-inflicted circus clown
I'm tired of the song and dance
Living a Charade, always on parade
What a mess I've made of my existence
But you love me even now
And still I see somehow

But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me

Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry
I just wanna be me

But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me
And you love me just as I am
Wonderful, Beautiful is what you see
When you look at me

Thursday, 10 May 2007

Ssssshhh, be quiet, God's at work

I spent the whole of yesterday crying. Not the usual, silent tears that come coursing down, I boo-hooed quite a bit. I had a fight with my dad yesterday and you know what God told me to do? He told me to go tell him sorry. I rebelled and got mad at Him as well. Why is it that when my dad makes me cry, I have to be the one to say sorry, why is it that when he gets me depressed, I still have to be obedient and humble. Needless, to say, I got into a fight with God as well. It just didn't seem fair. In those moments when I was crying and felt like my heart would break, I could still feel God was there. It was a change. Many times, I don't feel like He's there even when I know He is. I didn't feel so alone then although I spent the whole time railing at Him. But am glad He was there. There are not too many people would seat and listen as I spent hour upon hour complaining, grumbling and (who am I kidding) just shouting. But God was there. I remember what I read in a comic strip, 'church mouse', that God understands broken hearts cause we break His heart everyday. I'm feeling better. Although, I'm still bitter, but God will take care of that. Still feel lost and a little empty but I've learnt to treasure some of these moments because God's at work. God sometimes needs to disorganise our worlds so He can catch our attention. It's a whole twenty four hours later but I can still feel the tears at the surface. God, what would I do without You. Thank You, for loving me.

Monday, 7 May 2007

Thank You

The cut off points came out today. It seems like I haven't made it for law on government sponsorship not that I expected it but there's something about keeping hope alive that keeps you going on. My first reaction was remorse. I wanted to cry, felt like I'd failed and then I remember who You are and I know You've never yet failed me.

How many times, have I felt like my situation was the end of the world and found that You were only working things out in the background for my good. You see Your word says in Romans 8:28 that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

So I know that You're going to use this for my good because Jeremiah 29:11 says that You alone know the plans You have for me, plans to bring me prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future I hope for. Your plans are to prosper me I believe and so however unclear my future looks like, I know that You have it in Your hands.

Numbers 23:19 says that You're not a man to lie, a human who changes His mind, whatever You promise You do, You speak and it is done. Right now I choose to thank You because I know You've already prepared my future for me. That some how You've given me a course and a University. That somehow You've already provided all my tuition fees. I thank You. I thank You. I thank You, praise and glorify You, Honour You, love You, exalt You. You alone are worthy.

Monday, 16 April 2007

Jesus Must be a tailor!

Life so often batters us, so many times we feel like life took one whole mouthful of us, chewed us up and then spat us out, the missed opportunities, lost dreams, the heart breaks, disappointments, betrayals all serve to rip us apart, beat us down.

I felt like that this morning, like my foot was stuck on the rails and i could distinctly hear the sounds of a train in a distance, heading my way. because we have to go on so many of us try to mend our wounds by ourselves. We seat up all night and stitch up the wounds with hatred, anger, unforgiveness, pity, alcohol and drugs.

If we took a peek at our own hearts, we'd feel what Jesus feels when he sees the ugly make shift patterns we have. Tacks so loose, that when even a shred of disappointment comes our way, the threads easily come a part, opening wounds of so long a go.

But when i let Jesus mend my heart, he does it so neatly. He knits, weaves and embroiders beautiful patterns. You see, Jesus can't take the scars away because, sometimes I've made mistakes and there are consequences for them but he does embroider quilts so beautiful, that I'm no longer afraid to look at the past mistakes and disappointments. He takes the mess and makes a piece of art.

Those times when condemnation sinks in and i regret the path i trod, wish my past hadn't hurt that much. I look inside my heart, at the all the beauty He makes from all the muddle i had before and i know it was worth it, if only Christ could work in my heart..

Friday, 13 April 2007

Your Love Letter.

Its so easy to forget, you're there when there's excitement, when there's noise, when there's clamor; but there are those moments when the soul gets quiet, when despite the fanfare,
there's a great calm within, its as if I'm in the middle of a tornado, and at those times, music is but a background and its as if it echoes the loneliness i feel within.

I know that no matter what i try to hide it with, the truth is whenever you're not around i miss you.There's this joy, i feel when am right with you, its as if you're always smiling down at me, and its like its sunny all the time, and although i know you love me even when i go wrong, i don't ever want anything to get between us.

Because, who else listens to me like you do, who else knows the things i feel and can't say, who else sees the tears i dare not show,who else laughs at my scanty attempts at a joke.

There are those times when i get so angry with you, i feel like you've abandoned me, like you don't care anymore but when i look around, i know there's no way else i can run to. and anyway its like you said before, you'll never leave me nor forsake me. so even when times get really hard, and i feel like you're so far, I'll read the love letter you left me with.

I'll read of the number of times you rescued your people and I'll know you'll rescue me.

When I'm depressed, I'll read the psalms, David and i, we have a lot in common, when i see what he went through, and the praise he still gives you, I'll praise you.

When i need a healer, I'll read Isaiah and remember how you were stripped so i can be healed.

When i need a friend, I'll read John and see that you no longer consider me a servant but a friend.

When i need a guide, I'll remember in Exodus how you guided the people of Israel, you were a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night.

When i need a protector, I'll read about Daniel in the Lion's den.

When i need mercy, I'll read Hebrews about how you are not one not to show sympathy.

When i need a dad, I'll read Hosea, of how you will show love to those who were unloved how you will call your people, those who were called otherwise.

And it doesn't matter how i feel. all that matters is what i believe. So though its seems like you're so far, i know you're close and for a while, I'm going to forget everything and read your love letter to me.

Wednesday, 11 April 2007

He knew my name.

Tired but happy, I punched the centre of my pillow, trying to make a slight hollow to rest my head. It had been a long day but i smiled when i remembered just how it began.

It was an ordinary day for me. I was going through my list of tax defaulters. I stepped out of my house and into the street to do my rounds when i ran smack into a passing crowd. Now I'm not very tall so all i could see were the backs of men. After straining for a few minutes, i persistently tapped the man in front of me and asked him what was happening. He answered my question not without a hint of irritation.

"Jesus of Nazareth is passing by."

It was as if a bolt of lightning went through me because then I decided I had to see Jesus. I had heard a lot about Him. It was said He could make the blind see and the lame walk again. I immediately began shoving and pushing through the crowd. I met great resistance but I persisted. I tried to slip a hand through, then a foot and somehow I'd manage to get through. I thought I was succeeding when I met with some man's elbow who obviously was determined not to let me through. I fell with a great thud, the jab of his elbow on my chest left me breathing heavily. But I got up. I just had to see Jesus. I tried to jump, to no avail. Everyone in front of me was so tall and I stepped on some one's foot as I tried to jump and was met with an array of insults. Somehow they weren't important, not then. I just wanted to see Jesus.

In my misery, a light bulb lit in my head as looked around and saw a sycamore tree ahead.
I forgot who I was, lifted my robe and took off. I used a short cut through the market place. I reached the tree just before Jesus came and I climbed, straining a bit here and there. I don't remember the last time I climbed a tree. And I saw him. Just the sight of Him, gave me such peace. As he drew closer, my sense of awe grew. Then when he reached my tree, he stopped and looked up, he called my name and I stopped breathing.

"Zacchaeus," he said," come down immediately. I must stay at your house today."

I could hardly believe He had called me and although I heard people mutter loudly that Jesus was coming to the home of a sinner, I hurried home to prepare the feast. Later that night, filled with joy, filled with a love I never knew, a love I'd always wanted and never known, I interrupted the loud laughter, and conversation, stood and made this announcement, "Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount."

Everyone cheered and shouted, and I got out my money bag to show that I meant what I said.
Jesus, looked at me with eyes of love and I knew I would never trade this moment for anything in the world, then He said to me, "Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost."

As I lay down to sleep, I can't help but remain amazed at how one so great would come to my house and just before I drifted off, I smiled as I remembered, Jesus knew my name.

Wednesday, 4 April 2007


I'm writing this to let you know that I'm looking for you.
I've put up notices and advertised in the papers.
I'm looking in the places we used to be,
Hoping to find clues by reading
the things you used to write,
looking in corners and alley ways.
You see, some one told me you'd been found.
but when i got a glimpse of 'you',
the smile that had began to spread,
started to fade.
Is it really you?
Could this stranger be you?

Friday, 30 March 2007

Do You Really Know

I could hardly wait for you to wake up today. I wanted to see your smile as you gazed at the sunlight, I made just for you and listen as you closed you eyes and just thanked me for the day ahead. You didn’t use big words and your prayer wasn’t long, but I could hear the love with which you prayed. It seemed to flow right out of you and suddenly I just couldn’t wait to bless you.

I watched as you searched your closet, for what to wear to church, never quite finding anything just right. You finally gave up and just grabbed anything because you were running late. I’ve never quite understood why all my children fuss so much about clothes. It’s the inside that matters and therein you look great to me.

I knew you couldn’t see the angels moving beside you as you walked up the hill to church but I opened up the eyes of the idle man who was thinking of grabbing your bag and when He saw two huge men walking on either side of you, he changed his mind.

Right after fellowship, I saw you suppress your shyness and walk up to someone you’d never seen before just to say hi, and I felt my heart swell with pride and I wonder do you know just how much I love you, how just being with you makes me so happy.

It’s not because you’re perfect, you make mistakes here and there, don’t think I didn’t see you pretend not to see the beggar by the road although you could easily afford to give him a coin or two.

I love you, because you’re mine. And there are these things you do that just make me want bless you all the time. Like the times you just let go of everything and worship me and in those times its as if its just you and me in that room and no one else, like the times when nothing seems to go right but still you choose to trust that I’m in still in control, the times you listen to your mom and wash the dishes when you’d rather watch a nice movie.

It’s these things that make me want to bless you and today I wrote this because I wonder, do you really know just how much I love you?

Wednesday, 28 March 2007

I made a discovery

I was wondering today,
why i couldn't give the whole of me
why i couldn't love another,
so completely,
and i heard my heart whisper,
from deep inside of me,
dear, you can't love another,
if you won't love me.

Friday, 23 March 2007

Love of my life

Sometimes, i miss being in love,
the quickened heart beat,
the constant day dreams,
and the secret smiles,
sometimes i long for someone
to once again take my breath away,
for someone whose name is enough
to make my day,
someone to fill my every other thought
at work or play,
then i remember that the reason there is no one
is because there was You.
You used to be enough,
the thought of You gave me joy,
i can't explain, gave me such
happiness, nothing else mattered
and in my heart, i knew that anyone else
would always be second to You.
But lately
I've gotten so far from You,
Have chosen to live my own life,
and now there is that emptiness,
I know no Prince Charming could fill,
and so like a child, i come back and ask,
would you take your place again?
Lord, would You become the Love of life?

He saves

Life sometimes hits us with more
than we can stand,
and when we think it's over
we find its only just began.

when we think it couldn't
possibly get worse than this,
something sets in
to wipe away any bliss.

there was a time when it seemed
that's all life was about.
an endless tirade of guilt, shame,
fear and self doubt.

that's when i realised that
in life nothing stays the same
and sure they'll be times of
immeasurable pain,

but there is something that will never change,
He'll never stop being who He is,
He's our healer, counselor, comforter,
our prince of peace,

when life throws you into a storm,
look not at the waves
look at the never changing King,
our Jesus saves.


I'd given the world my heart,
and chosen to live the dream, it had given me.
In this game I played apart,
until you opened my eyes and let me see.

I was living a life of emptiness,
Going wherever the world took me.
And yet even in that, the world demanded my best,
It wanted everything even my sanity.

You showed me where my life was leading.
I couldn't hide my frustration under a heap of success.
That the world cared nothing about what i was feeling
In fact, it couldn't care less.

What i find so amazing,
is how you could know me so completely,
yet your love remains so unchanging.
I marvel, that a God like you could love some one like me.

It began with a smile

There's something about you that's so special.
If there ever was a being, close to an angel,it would be you.
Your bright smile, your thoughtfulways,
all such an intricate part of you.
Yet your beauty is not in perfection,
not even in the fact that you could so easily be an angel.
Your beauty is the human side of you.
The part that lets itself laugh, the part that lets itself cry,
the part that makes mistakes, (the part that's afraid to love).
Because it was those emotions we shared
-even when you wouldn't let anyone see your tears.
I don't love you because your strong
(although, you almost always are),
I love that in your weakness, you draw strength
from the great I am.
Even as i write this, time's speeding by,
and i don't know where the sands of time
will take us, but i pray this prayer over you;
That tears will never blind you so much
that you can't see His grace,
I pray life's bounty of blessings over you,
I pray that when you fall in love, it will be with "him",
The one God's set out for you.
I pray that God will use you in so many ways,
to bring light to other people's lives
like you have mine.
I pray that you might get the desire of your heart,
But perhaps most of all i pray that,
someday when all this is over,
I'll still be the third roomie even in Heaven!

Thursday, 22 March 2007

No farther than my heart

Thought about you today,
Thought the ache would go away.
But i still feel the same way.

I cant hide behind a nonchalant poise
inside, i still long to hear your voice
and sometimes i do, above every other noise.

Now we're miles and years apart,
but you're right here beside me in my heart,
a figure that just wont remain in the past.

sometimes i wish for you,
wish that the miles between us were few,
and that the words we should have said weren't over due,

yet i'll always treasure the time we spent together,
fondly remember, the thoughts we shared with each other,
and i know, i'll forever keep you in my heart and no farther.

The Feather in my hand

In a green green meadow, i stand,
holding this feather in my hand.
where its been and where it will go, i know not,
I only know inside, i envy it a lot.
Perhaps its seen the deserts of the sahara,
the polar bears and seals of Alaska.
It must have seen an eagle in flight,
basked in an Indian twilight,
heard the sounds of the African drum,
probably arose from an Australian farm.
I wish i could coax it to speak,
But it remains silent,quiet and meek.
And i unfortunately can only dream,
of the beautiful places, this feather has been.

For You

For You
For the one who loves me,

even when i don't love myself,
for the one who gives me dreams,
even when i'm too afraid to dream anymore.
for the one who gives me life,
even when it seems like i have no reason to live.
for the one who makes me smile,
even when tears still run down my face.
for the one who never leaves me,
even when i try to run so far away from you.
for You my love, i've written this poem.
its no ordinary ode.
because wrapped in a poet's words,
You'll see, is my heart.