Thursday, 10 May 2007
Ssssshhh, be quiet, God's at work
I spent the whole of yesterday crying. Not the usual, silent tears that come coursing down, I boo-hooed quite a bit. I had a fight with my dad yesterday and you know what God told me to do? He told me to go tell him sorry. I rebelled and got mad at Him as well. Why is it that when my dad makes me cry, I have to be the one to say sorry, why is it that when he gets me depressed, I still have to be obedient and humble. Needless, to say, I got into a fight with God as well. It just didn't seem fair. In those moments when I was crying and felt like my heart would break, I could still feel God was there. It was a change. Many times, I don't feel like He's there even when I know He is. I didn't feel so alone then although I spent the whole time railing at Him. But am glad He was there. There are not too many people would seat and listen as I spent hour upon hour complaining, grumbling and (who am I kidding) just shouting. But God was there. I remember what I read in a comic strip, 'church mouse', that God understands broken hearts cause we break His heart everyday. I'm feeling better. Although, I'm still bitter, but God will take care of that. Still feel lost and a little empty but I've learnt to treasure some of these moments because God's at work. God sometimes needs to disorganise our worlds so He can catch our attention. It's a whole twenty four hours later but I can still feel the tears at the surface. God, what would I do without You. Thank You, for loving me.